Postpartumness pt. 3

Growing cutie!

Just had my 6 week check up with the OBGYN and saw my primary doc 2 weeks ago.  The fun never ends when it comes to my health issues.

Primary doc was sooo happy that I finally had a baby! I’ve seen him since I was 12.  He knows my parents very well.  When I first starting having fertility problems, he was there ordering labs and tests and helping to get to the bottom of it. When I suffered from postpartum depression after the loss of my twins, he ordered the “get happy pills.”  When my RE said I had a thyroid issue and wouldn’t do the IUI until it was fixed, this doc gave me my prescription to fix it.  I gave him a birth announcement and a hug for being so helpful. Turns out he has a new grandson as well! I told him about my postpartum preeclampsia/pulmonary edema episode and he ordered follow up labs as well as keeping me on my meds to stay normal.  Labs came back fine, except for maybe a UTI, culture pending.

My GYN appointment was with Dr. P, who delivered MeMe.  My new problem of the month: Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding.  I have had my period for over 2 weeks and it’s not stopping.  The lochia stuff stopped after 3 weeks and then my period started at 4 weeks after delivery.  Here I am at almost 7 weeks and I’m just continuously bleeding and bleeding and bleeding.  IT REALLY SUCKS!  Apparently, the mini pill that I’m taking for contraception is doing it’s job too well.  It’s made my uterine lining too unstable, but not only that, I can’t really get my groove on with all this bleeding going on so there is a 100% chance of not getting pregnant, any time soon ha ha. I have some options and I was just soo pissed that I always seem to have some kind of problem or end up in that small percentage of people that gets screwed. I have some options:

• Stop the mini pill, get an IUD
• Stop the mini pill, use condoms
• Stop the mini pill and switch to the combination pills, but no more breastfeeding
• Or maybe the bleeding will stop on its own and I can stay on the mini pill

Crap!  I loved pumping and giving MeMe the boob juice because I know it’s best for her.    I hate to have to give that up now. I just feel so guilty to stop the boob juice.  But the main thing is that she is here and is healthy.  She’ll be fine on formula alone.  What I don’t want is to become anemic from all this damn bleeding or have a uterus too jacked up to have any more babies. I’ve given myself until Monday to see if the bleeding stops. Then switch to the combo pill.   

Another thing, boy did my vagina muscles contract back up.  Doesn’t even seem like I popped out a baby a few weeks ago.  The speculum was awful!  She had to use the little one to do my pelvic exam.   I’m a born-again virgin.  Eek! I didn’t like being one the first time around.

Just started getting on the treadmill.  These pounds need to come off.

Other things on my mind other than my uterus and cooch is going back to work.  I have this packet of skills to review. I also realized how cool it would be to review cardiac rhythm strips so I found an awesome website that runs a strip and explains what it is or you can quiz yourself.  Just needed to refresh my memory.  I haven’t had to do that since April. I really need to get back to work, staying around the house all the time has lost its coolness.  I need to use my brain like it’s been trained to do.  I need to have random conversations with coworkers and laugh and bitch about our husbands.  I need to show off pictures of MeMe and talk about babies growing up fast. 

I will miss being with MeMe, but mom and I have currently been sharing baby care duties.    Mom will watch for a few hours and then hand her back to me. So when I go to work, it won’t be like I feel like I’m leaving her for the first time.

Still waiting out our time in escrow. I really hate how all information is funnelled through my husb and then he forwards me the emails whenever he feels like it.  He swears that I stress or fixate on certain things or freak out when its not necessary, which isn’t true.  I’m a practical realist, he’s a dreamer.  He’s thinks “everything is fine”  and that stuff should happen on his terms, but when shit needs to be done and there’s no time to playing power games.  The loan officer wanted some info back on Thursday and he still hasn’t given it to her.  He’ll just wait till Monday.  Why wait, he could’ve done it on Friday at the latest.  If escrow doesn’t close on time, it’s his fault.

29 weeks and switching

My insurance ends today, but I didn’t get my notice until yesterday.  How lame is that?  So I had to call my husb’s insurace company to make them aware so that they don’t act like they don’t have to pay for anything because they think I still have the other insurance.  I found out the specialist is covered and I don’t need authorization to see him since it is a PPO.  But I want to see my regular OB.  Even the lady on the phone asked if I had a doc that will deliver me because the peri won’t do it.  Then I realized, I really need to get back in touch with Dr M.  This is nuts that I’m like almost 10 weeks away from my due date, 7 weeks from stitch cutting and my OB has no idea what’s going on with me.  Just didn’t seem right. So I made an appointment with her for Monday, when I’ll be 30w1d.  I also have to make sure my chart gets to her office.  I’ll put Dr. S on the backburner for now. I figure, my cervix has been pretty stable for months now.  The stitches haven’t fallen out into the toilet,  no bleeding (a sign of cervical changes), no regular contractions, and baby is moving around alot.  If trouble comes, I’ll probably be on total bedrest.

I know I have been very blessed to have not had any more issues since the cerclage surgery and to have had the opportunity to see a peri, but he’s like rain on my parade. He comes in the room all serious with a kinda “so what are we doing today” attitude. I’m just a patient, but I think you should check the baby and my cervix.  Then he’s like, “everything’s okay….for now.  Come in 2 or 3 weeks, whatever you’re comfortable with.” It’s up to me because it’s like he doesn’t care either way.   He’s nothing like my other peri who called me “darling” every time he saw me and was just an dynamic character.  His bedside manner was unbelievable.  He made the worst days of my life more bearable. 

Oh Dr S, parting is such sweet sorrow.

Summer with Dom pt. 3

Just survived another week with Dom.  Last Monday (7/20), he came that evening and the peace between me and husb ended after only 24 hrs. 

The guest room is converted into Dom’s room when he’s here. So as soon as Auntie left, I stripped the bed, changed the linen, moved Dom’s toys into a position where he can find them and put his learning computer on the desk. Oops, I forgot to put Dom’s clothes back in the drawers.  They were sitting in a box to make room for Auntie.  I did put another dresser out for MeMe, put some of the clothes that “A” gave me in it, and rearranged some of the other stuff for the baby.  But the fact is…I forgot about Dom.  No I didn’t, I set the room up for him;he can put his own clothes away.  He’s old enough and definitely knows how to fold-n-stuff.  Husb says I’m too jumpy about the baby.  Pardon me for being excited about MY OWN BABY!  Dom has plenty of attention.

Husb is thinking that this is his last week with us until school starts. Okay so what.  He’ll be here on the weekends.  It’s not like he’s going away forever.  Our only focus should be on him at all times.  Yeah right.  I was more pissed that he was actually upset that I was excited about doing something for the baby.  What the hell!??! I swear, sometimes….

Wednesday (7/22): We went to Medieval Times in Anaheim as a trio and that was fun.  Got to cheer for the Yellow Knight who won his tourntment games, but he didn’t rescue the Prince from the evil Green Knight.  The Red Knight did that.  Overall, a fun experience.  I highly recommend it! 

The rest of the week consisted of husb planning things with Dom or leaving Dom in my care.  Not much of doing things as a trio.  That bothers me.  The only other thing we did as a trio was play Dominoes together.  We kinda used it as a math lesson. 

By Friday, husb said he wanted to give me my back rub for slaving all day to make sure Dom had whatever he needed, was entertained, and cooked dinner. Never happened. He spent all night hanging out and watching t.v. with Dom.  Saturday night, they washed the cars together and husb hurt his back, but still managed to go say hi to a friend that night that he hadn’t seen since he came back from Texas.  Sunday,  husb cooked us breakfast and slept the whole day. I ended up taking Dom shopping with me.  I bought the new Wii Sports Resort.  (Fun games, I like it better than Wii Sports).  Then, I got him some new shoes that are a size too big so he can grow into them. 

I found a bouncer for MeMe and bought it.  If it was up to me, I would’ve put it together to see what it looks like, but husb read my mind and started up with the attitude.  Let me be excited for my baby! 

Does he realize the pain and agony I went through not being able to get pregnant for years.  Or the pain of getting pregnant with twins and having to deliver them too damn early! Or the pain of holding my babies in my arms and letting them go.  That is pain that can’t be easily erased.  I hated having Dom around during that postpartum time simply because he was alive and loved his mother.  I didn’t get close to anyone’s kids, the pain was too deep.  But husb wanted me to cling to Dom and hoped he would take the pain away.  Nope, doesn’t work that way.  What takes the pain away is feeling MeMe kick and move and hearing her heart with my Doppler.  I’m watching my belly get big showing some stretchies and counting every week that goes by.  I’m not gonna curb my excitement because someone wants me to focus on their kid instead.  You are gravely mistaken mister.

Now it’s 29 weeks. Yay MeMe!  Almost there sweetie!

He went to drop his son off and of course, decided to go hang out at a friend’s house.  No massage tonight.  We really haven’t hung out or spent quality husb/wife time all week.  And he has the nerve to get all pissy about the fact that when MeMe is here, he’s not gonna get any love.  If I get nothing out of this union…

 ”At least I’ll have my daughter.”

Freakin’ libido!

My husb’s freakin libido is driving me crazy! We can’t bump and grind because of the cerclage and my irritable cervix, so guess what that means…months and months of “kisses”. So I can’t get mine because orgasms are bad for high-risk pregnancies. I had one in my sleep and my uterus hurt like hell, freaked me out! So I have to suppress any urge or desire for that kinda lovin. My husb gets to have all the orgasms he can stand, must be nice. So all that feel-goodness should make him happy right? Hell no, because it’s not me making it happen, selfish bastard! The only thing I ask for to make me feel good is a massage and he keeps putting it off, “I’ll give you one tomorrow”. No massage = no kisses. Fair is fair.

So instead of getting my massage, husb does lots of housecleaning (dishes, laundry, vacuuming) and makes dinner which is great-n-all, but it ain’t my massage so don’t think any kisses are happening. I can do all that house crap on my own. What bothers me most is that my back hurts from carrying all these inflated milk ducts around and its like he’s just wondering when his next orgasm will be. At this point, I should hire a whore just to get him to leave me alone and a male maid to cook/clean plus give me my massages. Freakin’ libido!

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17 weeks….and counting

We had an appointment yesterday to see the nurse practitioner at the perinatology center. Kinda like the initial visit I had with OB where she checks the baby’s heartbeat and then hands me tons of papers and booklets on pregnancy. Duh, it’s not like I didn’t have prenatal care before my care was transferred so she didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.

The new stuff was that I had need to do an early gestational diabetes screen since diabetes runs in the family. They finally ordered the level 2 ultrasound, but because of the stupid HMO, I have to wait a week to schedule it. Fine, whatever, just get it done. Then the NP was pushing the quad screen on us like it was something we HAD to do. My husb. said “isn’t that optional?” and she was like “yes, but most of our moms want to know if there is a problem so we can all be prepared.” She gave this long speech on how great it is to know. Sorry honey but we ain’t buyin what your sellin. I don’t want to add any unnecessary worries to the worries I already have. Everyday I have to worry about contracting or busting through my stitches. The last thing I need is some test telling me there MIGHT be something wrong with the baby that I’ve fought so hard to keep. I sure as hell don’t want an amnio to confirm it either. If a deformity shows up on the ultrasound we’ll deal with it as it occurs, but none of this other crap. We’ve had tons of medical intervention with this pregnancy, I just want to minimize whatever I can. Women have been having babies for centuries without these tests, it is that crucial? Nope.

Only good thing about this visit was seeing gummy bear again. Getting big in there and baby was sleeping again! I think s/he kicked a foot and that was it.

Next appointment to see Dr. S on 5/11 so he can check my cervix and then I do the glucose test. Until then, I’m eating all the cake and cookies I can find.

Brother-in-law

My brother-in-law pisses me off.  He’s so mean to my husb, it hurts because he loves him so much!  Today is my BIL’s birthday and my husb is running around buying him a card to show him some love.  Then he calls his bro to say hi-n-stuff and of course, the dude is drunk in Las Vegas.  How come he didn’t tell us he was coming westward?  My husb could’ve drove to Vegas and had dinner or hung out, but my BIL was like “it’s a business trip” and the dude is unemployed, so he had time!  My husb is in Cali while the rest of his family is in Indiana and he gets homesick at times.  When we lost the boys 1/08, none of his family flew out to see him, but later we found out his bro was in Vegas that Feb. with some chick-of-month.  My husb was very hurt by that.  Now this last conversation they had was full of smart-ass remarks and animosity when my husb was being nice.  My husb keeps extending himself to him and the dude just acts like he’s nothing to him.  That guy has issues, deep seeded issues.  Maybe he’s jealous since he’s pushing 40, single, and miserable and maybe infertile.  Women keep saying their babies are his and DNA proves otherwise.  He’s not as wealthy as he used to be so he’s all pissed off.  As my husb says, money can make people evil.

They are 6 years apart.  Just like Dom and this baby, I’m scared they won’t be close either.  Or that when they get older things will be weird.  All I can do is raise this child to love his big brother, be his/her own person, and remember that family/heritage is important.

8 weeks of fun

So now I’m 8 weeks and feeling the nausea and indigestion with an order of vomiting. Yuck, vomiting makes my diaphragm hurt. And that 3 hour window to eat is no joke. Lil’ bit is not gonna wait 4 or 5 hours for food, 3 is it! If I don’t have something in my mouth ready to chew, the nausea is unbearable and then starts the running to the bathroom. I’ve been getting nauseous at work too. So when I get busy but notice that it’s been awhile since I ate something, I just take a eating break. I don’t care if my patient is doing backflips over the bed, I need food when I need it. I was eating gummy bears and noticed that its about the same size as the baby. Kinda cute! Baby is a hungry bear!

I’m not sleeping well and I think it’s affecting my work. I get frustrated more easily and exhausted by the time I come home. I even come into work looking tired and people keep asking me if I’m okay. Do I look like shit or something? Is there a sign on my forehead that says “something is different?” I snapped at my husb the other day because he couldn’t understand how I have so many days off and spend all my time in bed, but I’m not sleeping, then tried to give me suggestions. I’m not hearing you dude! If this is how its gonna be when lil’ bit is born, I’ll be well trained.

I’ve also noticed that the death of the twins has greatly affected my relations at work. I don’t socialize as much at all and I realized that the people I was cool with last year, I don’t even really talk to. It’s like they haven’t experienced any kind of loss and life is a bowl of cherries all the time. I experienced a lot of death last year and they don’t understand the sadness.  I think I’m just stressing over my appointment today and the fact being pregnant after a loss is nerve-wrecking. You want this pregnancy to continue, but you’re terrified that it won’t and almost brace yourself for that scenario. Then, you get excited that you’ve reached a milestone, only to realize that there are a million more milestones to go. One chick at work at work is maybe a few weeks ahead of me and is telling everyone she is two months pregnant. Then another chick is pregnant and every other word out of her mouth is “I’m pregnant” or talking about her toddler. I hate how they’re so sure that nothing will go wrong. Of all the known pregnancies that have occured at work, mine was the only one that failed. What are the odds? The younger chicks can’t even imagine what I went through, but some of the older ladies had their own stories of m/c, stillbirths and triumphs. One lady told me how she never got to have kids because she wasted her child-bearing years with a bad husband. Damn, that sucks. I think people thought I would pregnant right away after the twins and noticed that I haven’t so maybe there’s a problem. Then talking about pregnancies around me is like walking on egg-shells. Kiss my ass people. Maybe I should transfer to another unit.

Just found out my husb’s other baby-mama is preg. with a girl and will probably deliver in May or so. She’s married with 2 boys (including 6 y.o. Dom) plus a stepson. Lucky bitch…

Attack of the Food Nazi!

My mother has become obsessed with my eating habits, especially since with the twins I had gained about 20lbs in the first 15 weeks. I was hungry damn it, every 3 hours otherwise I’d get really nauseous and vomit. The twins were relentless and wanted food when they wanted it. But I did eat a lot of microwaveable crap that wasn’t the best or the healthiest. This time, I can go up to 6 hours without getting the queasies and I’ve been snacking on fruit, not Doritos. Husb. could care less about the weight I put on since it’s for a good cause, but mom is busting my chops every chance she gets. She even wanted me to make a food planner for my day with her. Doing too much and too early. 1 more week to go for the u/s.