Welcome and hugs! Just wanted to show some love to everyone dealing with the common thread of infertility, pregnancy loss, and high-risk pregnancies; I feel you on many levels. My husb and I have been trying to have a child together for 3.5 years. I have PCOS and a sluggish thyroid gland. Luckily, my husb can make babies. We used injectables and IUI in 2007 and was pregnant with twin boys, but lost them due to an incompetent cervix that caused my water to break at only 16 weeks (1/08). Devastated at our loss, we stuck together and ended up with a natural BFP, but had an early miscarriage in 6/08. 2008 was just a horrible year for our family. We decided to do the injectables and IUI in Jan of 09 and are now pregnant with a singleton. I have to deal with another high-risk pregnancy because my cervix started shortening and thinning at 16 weeks AGAIN! I now have a double cerclage in place and am blogging my days away until baby is born.
Welcome ICLW
New Year, New Day, New Cycle
Let’s make this year a good one!
Happy Angel Day Angeline and Augustin!
It has been exactly one year since we lost the the twins. They were sadly born and died 1/9/08. I can’t believe time has gone so quickly, I still get flashbacks every now and then of events leading to their demise. I wanted to commemorate each day of events leading to today by inflating a white balloon with scripture on each. I opted to put scripture on one, but still inflate the balloons so that today we can let them go. Symbolic…from 1/4 to 1/9 of fear, disbelief, decision, despair, anguish, and sadness. And that today I would somehow let some of that go by letting go of the balloons in their honor. Plus the balloons are flying up to heaven with them. We’ll lay low tonight and light candles in their honor.
My husband and I decided to start a new IUI cycle this month after getting the green light from my recent labwork. TSH = 1.5, great for conception! We patiently waited for my period to start and low and behold, it started on 1/4/09 (a year ago that date my water broke @ almost 16 weeks). We went for our baseline ultrasound on day 3 which was 1/6 and uterus/ovaries/labs looked good so the NP said it was okay to start taking my follistim 75 iu. Last time we started @ 50 iu, but she said that I responded slowly, so they upped the dose. I just pray that my ovaries don’t respond too much. One embryo is fantastic, twins are nice, but triplets are super high risk with my weak cervix.
I got great news regarding the meds. My husband’s insurance is so freaking wonderful that $700 worth of injectibles was only $15. How awesome is that! So I’m excited and nervous at the same time. But my resolution was to be more positive and I am thinking very positively. Plus we’ll do it again. We are so eager to have a child together, we keep playing the name game. I think we’ll have a boy (chinese gender chart), but if we have a boy and girl or boy/boy we have names. He wants a girl, if we have two girls we have names too. “But what about…” My husband likes finding names.
I’ m trying not to have too much pride that I will get my BFP because I don’t want to jinx it. We know I can get pregnant, my body needs help with hormones. We also know I can carry two babies for up to 4 months with no help, so this time we are getting help with a cerclage. I have a new OB-Gyn (Dr. M) on board who will refer me to the same Perinatologist (Dr. D) that I saw in the hospital (we trust him). Knowledge is power and sometimes ingnorance is bliss. But this time I love the knowledge.
I have an appointment with RE on 1/12 and 1/14 and that will determine when the IUI will be. Hopefully next weekend so that the tww will be done by my husband’s birthday. What a great present that would be! God willing…
Sad today 1/23/08
Super sad today, it has been 2 weeks since we lost our twins (born/died at 16 weeks on 1/9/08) and it’s still killing me. The memory of the events of that day haunt me every once in a while and I keep thinking about how I’m supposed to explain it to people (like I really care what they think). My kids meant the world to me. It took 2 years to make them and 4 months to grow them healthy, then lose them simply because my OB was busy and didn’t look at my cervix on the ultrasound. Grrrr!!!! Anyway, I have decided to memorialize the pregnancy as well as the babies. Angeline and Augustin, I’ll love you forever, sweeties!
Pregnancy memories:
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Lots of hormone shots for like 2 weeks in my belly
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Lots of ultrasounds and lab draws (my poor veins)
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Lots of trips to fertility center (24 miles each way)
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Stayed in a hotel to have IUI done
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The horrible 2 week wait and bought a plant to occupy my time
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Felt lightheaded while cooking before I found out + or -
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Totally excited that IUI worked and found out on voicemail!
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Called and told all close friends and family about the pregnancy
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Got the best sleep ever for first 3 weeks, yucky suppositories
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First baby pics at 6 weeks with 2 heartbeats (TWINS)
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Next baby pics at 7 weeks, looking good
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Had to wait until 10 weeks to see OB/gyn, grrr! (Babies looked good)
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Nausea and vomiting started around 8 weeks – must eat every 3 hours!
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Super hungry!
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Nausea got better at 12 weeks and now really feeling good
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Holidays and birthday with no alcohol! Best birthday ever!
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Treated like a superstar at work (hey everyone, she’s having twins!)
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15 weeks check up was rushed since MD running late, noticed BP going up and UTI (belly hurt after I went to pee)
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Clothes didn’t fit, time for new wardrobe and went on shopping spree
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Noticed some pink spots before work, but not too much
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Worked all night with little help, needed to sit down a lot
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Went home tired, woke up from sleep with constant wet underwear
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Worried! Very worried. Waited to see if undies get saturated
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Cooked pork chops with mixed veggies and mashed potatoes
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Slightly wet undies, but felt something coming out – WATER BROKE!
Worst feeling in my life to know I was losing the babies and that I probably couldn’t stop it. But the worst was yet to come and I’m still feeling it.
