Right after birth

8 hours later with a new hat!

Peaceful princess! She’s the love of my life…sorry husb, but it’s true!  I keep taking pictures of her and I gotta put them all on the computer eventually.

The week I have longed for and never thought I would get to.

Thank you God!

Welcome and hugs! Just wanted to show some love to everyone dealing with the common thread of infertility, pregnancy loss, and high-risk pregnancies; I feel you on many levels. My husb and I have been trying to have a child together for 3.5 years. I have PCOS and a sluggish thyroid gland. Luckily, my husb can make babies. We used injectables and IUI in 2007 and was pregnant with twin boys, but lost them due to an incompetent cervix that caused my water to break at only 16 weeks (1/08). Devastated at our loss, we stuck together and ended up with a natural BFP, but had an early miscarriage in 6/08. 2008 was just a horrible year for our family. We decided to do the injectables and IUI in Jan of 09 and are now pregnant with a singleton. I have to deal with another high-risk pregnancy because my cervix started shortening and thinning at 16 weeks AGAIN! I now have a double cerclage in place and am blogging my days away until baby is born.

We had our Anatomy scan for the baby at 19w2d (5/19/09) and baby is doing great. Gummy bear is measuring on target and everything looks in order. The sonographer was awesome in showing us all the different structures and carefully measuring things. She was so thorough it was amazing! Our little blob at 6w5d is now a whole being with a brain, 2 kidneys, vertebrae, heart with atria and ventricles. Just amazing! We never got to this point with the twins, so this was a HUGE milestone. Now we feel like we’re halfway home. My cervix measured at 3.1 cm, so it’s steady holding for now.  The baby’s pics were reviewed by the one of the perinatologists and he came in and was like “your baby looks good! Congrats!” That’s it. We’ll take that and go with it.

We got to see a shot of gummy bear’s privates…..

(look, she’s one of Rainbow Brite’s homegirls!)

Go Team Pink!!! The sonographer was pretty sure about it with a clear picture. How do we know, you ask? We could see the 3 bright parallel lines that look like a bun.  No hot dog in sight. 

We told the whole family and everyone is excited. I finally got to buy a little dress for her, not someone else.  My husb has settled on her name and isn’t gonna change his mind, instead we can just add names to it.  He says “call her what you want, but that’s gonna be her name on paper.” Okay fine…my family is just gonna call her by her Ghanaian name anyway.

Referral finally went through so, first peri visit on 3/27/09.  Husb and I drove like 30 miles to a teaching hospital (UCSD)  that had perinatal and genetic services. So we talked to Dr. T.  (new chick) and discussed my pregnancy history, but first, she did a quick viability u/s.  Lil’ bit is growing fine and looks more like a baby with the skeleton glowing and squirming around in there.  My husb. calls the baby “gummy bear” so he was so excited to see his gummy bear moving on the screen.  Fiesty one…think it’s a girl.  We’ve seen baby 5 times now with a great heartbeat.  At 6 w, 8w, 9w (ER), 10w, and now @ 11w2d.  So begins the talk about my history.  I had to relive the last moments with my twins. Very painful, but necessary.  According to Dr. T. my case is not clear-cut.  I could have IC or PTL or infections that started the whole process (raging UTI at the time).  In other words, she can’t really tell so I had to get my hospital record with the pathology report for her to continue to piece the picture together.  Same shit they told me when I lost the twins.  Docs don’t really know what happened.

Apparently, with “true IC” a person may have discharge, leak or break their bag of water and the cervix is already dilated so delivery happens fairly quickly.  In my case, I leaked, broke my bag, then had contractions in the ER, but I had to be induced to go into full blown labor and that happened like 5 days later since I was like 1-2 cm dilated. Plus because it was twins, it’s even trickier because of the weight of two babies, two sacs.  But I remember feeling like there was something in my cooch the night before my water broke but I wasn’t sure.  So I’m thinking IC because baby A’s sac was bulging.  Either way, we have choices and she is not jumping on the cerclage bandwagon yet due to it’s risks, especially if it’s not really necessary.  Go figure.

1. Take progesterone shots to prevent PTL that could lead to IC.

2. Get a cerclage and take progesterone to cover for IC and PTL

3. Do nothing, watch and wait, get  my cervix checked every 2 weeks and pray it doesn’t shorten or else an emergent cerclage  is needed.

In the meantime, start getting my cervix checked for length and vaginal cultures for any infections.

Hmmmmmm.  The risks of the cerclage: rupture my membranes, screw up my cervix (even more than Dr. L’s dumb ass already did with the LEEPs), infection, andor fetal demise due to early labor.  My husb made a good point that the risks of doing it are the same as the risks of not doing it.  We’ve been through the scenario before and would like to PREVENT it. Watching and waiting freaks me out because I had seen Dr. L. less than a week before my water broke.   In the two weeks that I’m waiting for another check up, I could dilate. Dr. T. said think about it, she’ll send recommendations to Dr. M. (we see her on 4/6) and to call the office if we have more questions or make up our mind.  I want to do everything to save this baby, especially since we couldn’t save baby B last time. 

We went the hospital that I delivered the twins at and got my chart.  I should’ve done that a loooong time ago, but I just didn’t have the strength.  I also realized that stupid Dr. L. should’ve gotten my pathology report and let me know what it said, but he never did.  What the hell!  Thank goodness, I am persistent and we have a new OB.  So I read the report and learned some things.

• Baby A was a boy.  So his name should be Angelus, not Angeline.  Sorry baby.  We couldn’t tell because his skin and body parts were macerated.   So we had two boys.  If they were alive, their names would’ve been totally different. Angelus’s placenta was infected and even his umbilical cord was infected.  My poor suffering son. I almost cried reading the report.  But we had to know.
• Augustin was not infected.  Could we save him, maybe.  But the risk of the infection spreading was too high.  I always miss you both.

So the choice is ours again.  I think we’ll take door # 2 .

 So my appointment on Tuesday showed a single viable 9mm intrauterine pregnancy with a rapid heartbeat measuring 6w5d when I was 6w6d according to when I had my IUI.  Unfortunately I don’t know the exact rate, but it was at least 2 beats per second so about 120+.  Me and my mother went to this appointment and we were both too happy to actually count!  My lil’ bit is growing on schedule and my official due date (even though I already knew) is Oct. 14.  That is 6 days after our 4 year wedding anniversary.  So so so so thankful and happy to see this miracle, especially since the last ultrasounds showed an empty womb. Now it’s full of life and hope with God’s blessings.  I am praying to continue forward.  I try to remind myself that my best egg and my husb. best swimmers made this baby so quit doubting! Husb. was sad he missed this appt. due to a scheduling conflict, but he’s all about the next few with Dr. M.

Symptoms:

Indigestion, heartburn, burps, constipation, and nausea kicked in full force the day before the U/S so my old sleeping habits are now done.  Gone are the days of being lazy on my days off and just sleeping for hours straight (change had to come!).  Gotta wake up every 2-3 hours because of the heartburn/nausea. Eating can be a chore and not eating is a nightmare. Haven’t thrown up yet but sooner or later, it’s coming.  My mom said she really couldn’t eat much during either of her pregnancies.  She was hyperemetic for 9 months.  Great to hear.  My GI symptoms are the most pronounced, but nothing ginger ale or sprite can’t help.

Boobs, boobs and more boobs! With super sore nips.  I was already DD, but damn this is getting out of control.  Even Dr. M. was like “you’re gonna need to get measured.”  So today I’ll go shopping and buy an new game for my DS and a some kind of super bra. Husb. loves the boobs but commented that they were much much bigger.  The tenderness is a turn off for me so of course the sex drive is down.

Brown spotting stopped 2/12, the day of my appt. with Dr. M.  I came home expecting gunk after my PAP and found nothing.  So I was oozing for like 10 days.  I stopped using the applicator (pusher-man) for the suppository and just used my hand and placed it about 2 inches in.  No matter what, it will melt and get absorbed, so why scratch up my poor cervix in the process.

Stretching uterus, lil’ bit’s reminders that he/she needs more room.  I feel ya.

Looking ahead:

I officially graduated from the fertility center, gave the NP and MA hugs and walked away with baby’s first picture in hand. I plan on telling folks at work like at 11 weeks or so.  Keeping this secret is hard….I was at work after the U/S happy as can be and couldn’t share my joy.  I just feel more comfortable not telling them. 

Whenever someone is preg.  all people talk about are babies and what their pregnancies were like.  Ever since the twins, I don’t engage in those conversations unless it’s super obvious that they’re pregnant and they are waddling around the unit trying to do patient care.  Then it’s like “why the hell are you still working?’  I realized that once that cerclage is placed and the baby is on lock down, I really don’t want to work.  I’m entitled to 4 months of pregnancy disability leave and 3 months of FMLA, but I think management cuts baby bonding to 6 weeks or something if you want to keep your benefits or to get paid.  They can kiss my ass on that one. I’m gonna bond with my baby as long as I want and cut my hours at work. After 4 months of PDL starting at like 13/14 weeks, I would be like 29 weeks when that ends. Then that still leaves 11 weeks until my due date.  High risk is high risk damn it! My job is not worth losing the baby or going into preterm labor.  I worked the night before my water broke last time when I wasn’t feeling that good to go to work.  I wanted to call in sick, but I didn’t.  I regret that. My husb. doesn’t want me working either.  But I just realized a coworker had breast cancer and left work in May ‘08, she didn’t come back until Jan and still kept her position.  She beat it with surgery, chemo and radiation and she looks great!  So I don’t see it being a problem. I’ll lose my benefits, but I’m covered under my husb.

Anyway, I’ve been researching and looking into how the cerclage is placed and what to expect.  I’m nervous and will be the closer we get to it.  But once we see the Peri and get an NT scan, then the next step will be the surgery. So one worry at a time.  But I’m really glad my risk is lower with a singleton.

 Pregnancy Due Date Calculator

On 2/10/09,  Beta # 3 = 1138. Doubling time 1.4 days (34 hours). AWESOME kiddo!

Finally met Dr. M today and she is super cool. We had a nice long discussion about my obstetrical history and that I want this pregnancy to have a successful outcome. She took her time which is great, plus my mom works with her @ our hospital in postpartum.

 So what’s the game plan?!
-keep the meds going (metformin and levoxyl) + suppositories (yuck)
-referral to an Endocrinologist to watch tsh/t4 levels during pregnancy (checked every trimester)
-referral to Perinatologist for the CERCLAGE, yay! She said they would place it at like 14 weeks, hopefully sooner than that.
-she’ll monitor me closely after cerclage placement and she’ll take it out at 36 weeks.
Sounds good!

She could see the brown discharge today, but she said my cervix is closed and the irritation is consistent with suppository usage so I feel better about that.  The spotting has gotten less in the last 24 hours, but we’ll see how that goes.  I go back on 3/9/09 for my official OB visit.

2/24/09  is ultrasound day at the fertility center.  Ha ha…another two week wait.

Beta #2 = 158

God is good!

Beta #3 on Tuesday. Suppositories still messing me up with the brown/brown-pink spotting especially after placement. Indigestion and sore boobs arrived. Yay!