33 weeks of dreaming

MeMe is now a 33 weeks and is steadily getting bigger and bigger.  It’s so great to know that I’m so close to having her.  My mom says I look like I’ve dropped already.  We’ll see what the US says in 2 days. One good thing is that everyone that has seen me claims that I’m “all belly” which is a great compliment, but I know it’s not all true.  Thanks anyway.  MeMe is chillin, kicking me hard when I’m lying down.  When I’m standing and fussing around, I feel random BH contractions.  Yesterday, I kept feeling like I had be pee all the time.  It was either all the water I drank (it’s too freakin hot!) or she was hanging out by my bladder.

Husb and I had a date to watch a great movie (District nine)  and have dinner with some of my work-friends last Saturday.  It was fun, but wow, the birthday girl is a lush!  I couldn’t imagine having as many shots and long island iced teas that she had and to still be mobile.  My ass would’ve been knocked out!  It was good to see folks.  Everyone keeps asking what we’re doing for the baby and wants to be invited to whatever it is.  Sure people, it’s coming.

We are getting geared up for the big event in 3 weeks. I’m super excited.  I keep looking through my overnight bag to make sure I have what I need.  That bag has been packed since I was 16 weeks! Just in case I ended up hospitalized AGAIN! MeMe’s bag has been packed too, but I can’t remember when I started stuffing it.  Husb finally set up the small refrigerator and has figured out where to put things in baby’s room.  I still need to buy that pack-n-play in the next few days.  Just very lazy and sleepy these days.   

I’ve been having vivid baby dreams.  But I’ve had them for months now.  They started with when I was pregnant with the twins.  Here are a few I remember most:

1) I dreamt that I gave birth to one baby girl with a club foot after watching a show on discovery health about a baby with a club foot. This was while pregnant with two babies.

2) After the twins and my aunt died, I dreamt that they were communicating with me through dancing sunflowers in our backyard.  They were dancing and swinging and happy together.  The next day I woke up, there was a huge sunflower that sprung up on the hill part of the backyard.  We never had sunflowers grow before or after that day after the dream. Spooky.

3) I dreamt that I had MeMe early and she was really small, but forgot to buy blankets for her.  She kept crying and screaming because she was cold and I felt like the worst mother ever.  When I woke up, I ran to the store to buy receiving blankets and one of those fuzzy plush blankets.  Mom also started sewing some of the blankets she was making at the same time.  Weird, huh.

4) I dreamt that I had MeMe and she was fine.  We were happy.  But I went to a public bathroom and found a homeless couple trying to kill their small baby.  I kept screaming “take her to the hospital and let her live, she’ll be okay!” and they kept trying to smother her while she was crying.  So I took the baby from them and ran to the hospital. I woke up crying. 

These hormones are too much!

59 days left!

59 days left until my EDD! Awesome!

But, I feel like I’m ready now.  I’d be happy if she was born because I really really want to see and hold her already.  I know, I’m being selfish because she is not ready to come out yet, but I want her here!  I wish her lungs would hurry up and mature so I can deliver.  The suspense is killing me! I have no desire to wait until 40+ weeks.  37 or 38 would be just fine.

A coworker had her baby boy at 32 weeks last year. I think he was in the NICU for about 5 weeks or so.  He came out the womb 6 lbs at that time.  She had GD and I’m not sure what caused her to deliver so early since she never told me the whole story.  But he is 1 yr 3 mo and healthy now.  So it’s possible, but not ideal of course.

I guess I also want to deliver now because I’m uncomfortable.  Gotta work around the belly and work with the extra weight.  My joints don’t like it.  Husb and I can’t sleep in the same bed together.  He tosses and turns and takes up more than his alotted space.  Drives me nuts.  So by the time I get comfy and cozy, he steals the covers or I’ll have a sudden urge to go pee.  Crap!  It’s getting out of hand.  So we stagger, kinda like when I was working.  He sleeps at night and I sleep during the day or after 4 am (the time he leaves). 

I’ve been watching a lot of delivery shows and “Bringing Home Baby” to see what works and doesn’t work.  I could’ve done the childbirth and breastfeeding class on Monday, but I realized there’s alot I already know and can learn from mom, the postpartum RN. So I’ll save my $$.  I went through a lot of childbirth stuff with the twins.  What a mucus plug looks like, what having your water breaks feels like,  the monitoring, IV lines, having your cervix checked manually, waiting to dilate enough (6 hours for the boys), the major contractions to help deliver (hurt like hell) and waiting for the placenta to come out.  Been there, done that.  I just know now that the baby is the size of a watermelon, the waiting and pain will be much worse.  Epidural please! I kinda know about that too.  Getting my spinal for the cerclage is pretty similar in procedure and effects.  The rest of the stuff I need to know, my doc and L&D nurses will gladly go over with me.  Now breastfeeding, mom goes over that every Sunday using one of my teddy bears.  Positioning of the baby, cues to look for, how to hold the equipment, and timing on each breast have been discussed.  And I guess we’ll keep discussing/practicing it because she wants me knowledgeable by the time I end up in the hospital.  Plus, I still have my nursing school books and plenty of time to read.

Other news, my best friend just came back from London (after studying abroad for 8 weeks) and is coming to visit.  Yay!  Also, it’s someone’s birthday at work, so that means dinner and drinks next weekend.  A break in monotony is always welcomed!

31 weeks of taking over

Little Miss MeMe is taking over.  She’s the first thing people see when they look at me.  For a while, my belly was big but still a little hideable, now there is no mistaking that I didn’t just swallow a basketball.  My neighbor cornered me the other day and yesterday, we went to a house party where she was the topic of conversation.

It was for a 2 year old’s birthday celebration, but more like a multi-generational party.  My parents, husb and I went to this party thrown by some members of our club/association.  A few of us Ghanaian-Americans get together monthly to discuss different topics and embrace culture. Mostly we throw parties/picnics and socialize.  They were very supportive after my boys died and brought us food when my aunt died shortly after that.  It’s like one big extended family with the older generations hanging out with the younger ones.  My parents have tons of kids to spoil and play with as if they were their grandkids.  I haven’t been to any meetings or gatherings in months, mostly because I had to work or because I was just lazy.  Husb said they always asked about me.  I think lots of people were really worried about my emotional state for a loooong time because I stayed in hiding.  Anyway, the party was extra cute. And it turns out the hostess, whose daughter was the birthday star, was 4.5 months pregnant as well. 

 She actually did a belly bump with me, it was pretty funny.  So then comes the questions about my belly.  Everyone was so happy I’m so close to delivering and there will be a new baby to join the group.  Babies get all the attention.  The babies will get held and passed around from woman to woman all night long.  There was a 6 month old cute little boy that was sitting on various laps and getting his cheeks messed with.  It’s hilarious. I don’t usually participate in the baby-passing; I just ask how old the baby is, wave hi to the little one, and say that he/she is cute.  I’m sure when MeMe is out of the cuddle phase, any new baby will make me want to hug and squeeze them too. One of my mom’s long-time friends said she was so excited she’s gonna be like another grandma.  MeMe is gonna get smothered everytime I bring her to a party/picnic/meeting. 

My parents have been advertising the “Outdooring” party already. Mom told some of her work friends already.  We were thinking November, before Christmas craziness kicks in.  It’ll give us a chance to use tradition to show off the baby and bring her into our community. Awesome!

MeMe is so big, I can’t imagine how things will be in 4 weeks.  When I lie down, all she does is kick and move.  Thump thump thump all night long.  My belly looks like a snake is moving underneath my skin.  Keep movin and groovin baby girl!  Other symptoms:  insomnia (pretty much all pregnancy long), sore hips when sleeping on either side for too long even with the body pillow between my knees, urinary frequency, fatigue, easily short-of-breath, hunger, indigestion, occasional acid reflux, vivid dreams, hands fall asleep randomly, lots of light belly stretchies (boo!).

BP during the week was good, still no ankle or pedal swelling. No bleeding and rare braxton-hicks.

Another cool thing was that the party was located near the area of Southern Cali we want to move to.  Husb and I spent most of the night analyzing the house layout, backyard, neighborhood, etc.  So the plan is still to move later this year.  Mom doesn’t like the idea because she thinks we’ll be too far and that I might regret having a longer commute to work.  Dad thinks it’s a great opportunity since the big homes are going for great prices.  If they can come up for a party, they can come up to see MeMe just as easily.  It’s okay mom, I know I probably wouldn’t want MeMe to move away from me either!

Babysitting

Today I got to babysit lil’ G, she is 2.5 months old and cute as hell.  A, my crazy friend, is her mom and needed me to watch her for a few hours so she could run some errands and do some cleaning.  Great practice! She came at 0930 and picked her up at 1:15p.  I got to change her little diaper, feed her formula, burp her, and get her sleeping again.  She’s ADORABLE.  I could tell she was hungry because she was smacking her lips, sucking on her hand, and then started to cry a little. But that was the only time she cried.  I hadn’t held her in over a month.  I haven’t changed a baby’s diaper in years, maybe not since nursing school.  It was AWESOME. 

 A was so thankful I could watch her.  I was so thankful to get some practice. I told her anytime, I’ve got nothing to do all day!

22 weeks of belly kicks

MeMe is kickin’ my ass!  I’m getting beat up here!  She likes to kick me when she’s hungry, when she’s bored, or when I’m ready to sleep.  It’s awesome but weird, kinda feels like a random muscle spasm right at my bikini line or below my bellybutton.  Go baby go!

I’ve decided to do a baby registry online again.  I started one for the twins and never looked at it again.  Now it’s all new, but I can use my old account to login.  My husb made a great point that if his family wants to get something for the baby, that’s the best way to know what to get.  We are expecting my MIL and older SIL to come visit MeMe sometime this fall.  I’m still iffy on having a baby-shower.  Partly because I look terrible in pictures now (ha ha) and I would rather have people see the baby after she’s born.  Baby showers kinda make me nervous.

 With the help of Face.book, I met up with some coworkers for dinner and drinks for two people’s B-days.  It was fun seeing some people I hadn’t seen since April.  Some people had no idea I was pregnant.  I wanted it that way, I told people after the twins “that the next time I get pregnant, nobody will know, I’ll just disappear for months.”Looks like it happened just like that.  While everyone was drinking their beers and “Endless Summer’s” (the official yummiest drink of the night), I had to settle for raspberry mint lemonades that clearly said NO BOOZE.  I miss drinking and partying, but I wouldn’t trade being pregnant with my sweet ass-kickin baby for nothing.  But one drink would’ve been nice, especially since everyone was raving about the yumminess. After dinner, the funky bunch went to a bar and nightclub, so I had to call it a night.  I was tired and it would’ve been no fun watching them drink allllll niiiiiiight.  Bunch of lushes! Would’ve been funny as hell and I wasn’t trying to be someone’s DD at 3 am. It was nice to get dressed up for a few hours. Many more B-days are coming this summer, yay!

I’ve been looking at breastfeeding, baby care, and childbirth classes at my hospital. I figure we’ll take it in August (right around 32 weeks). I’m so happy that MeMe is going the distance.

Officially disabled

My disability claim kicked in as of 5/8/09 so I’m glad all the paper work-n-stuff is done.  I was supposed to go back to work tonight.  I did make the mistake of taking a mandatory class yesterday and got scolded by the disability specialist at work for doing that.  My bad…I got a threatening letter saying I would be terminated if I didn’t take the class so I figured I better take it now while I can.  It wasn’t bad, I spent a lot of idle time sitting down and taking pressure off my cervix.  I was done with the class quickly and was certified.  I saw a lot of coworkers that I am cool with taking another class so I was nosy to see what they were doing.  I didn’t get to talk to them, but I at least waved hi.  I texted one lady and she told me to get on facebook to keep in touch. 

Anyway, saw Dr. S. on 5/11 and he did an abdominal u/s to see baby and my cervix.  We got some great shots of baby looking at the “camera” and posing.  Such a cutie!  He could see the stiches glowing at the bottom of the screen so he knows they are still in place, my cervix is still closed and that the baby’s sac  is not bulging down.  He wanted my cervix to heal more before he goes poking around with the coochcam. He promises he’ll measure it next visit and gave me the option to come in 2, 3 or 4 weeks.  We opted for 3 weeks so next visit is 6/1.  Next week is the level 2 ultrasound on 5/19.  Hopefully baby will cooperate and show us the goods!  My husb. has been a nervous wreck wanting to know the gender, he’s driving me and the doc crazy!

I think his problem is that Dom’s mom had her baby on 5/8 and it was a girl.  So Dom has a little sis that he’ll be sharing birthdays with, kinda sucks but it’s not our problem.  His b-day was 5/10.  We bought him a Wii for great family entertainment!  He usually spends some of his birthdays or the weekend before his birthday with us.  We haven’t let him know about my baking gummy bear. My husb told him about the twins right away and then had to explain to him that they died.  How do you discuss that with a 6 yr old?  He did it without me and I didn’t feel comfortable discussing that with Dom.  This time, lips are sealed about the new baby, but I think my husb wants to know the gender so he can tell Dom he’s gonna have a new baby _____ during the holidays.

I think baby is coming in September.  Once those stiches get cut, it’s open season.

Welcome to the world, lil’ mama

 

Alicia (A) had her baby on 4/19, the eve of her father’s death 7 years ago.  Circle of life!  Baby girl is healthy and cute, 6 lbs 4 oz with lots of straight black hair.  She’s mixed with Russian-Jewish and black so it’s gonna be interesting how she’ll look later on.

I went to visit while A was in labor and then this morning as well.  I think A labored for like 20 hours.  She was all like “just wait until it’s your turn” and I replied, “I’ve been through this before,” she stopped complaining after that comment since she realized what I meant.

Her boyfriend was in the room when I first visited and it was still weird him being there since the baby isn’t his, but whatever floats their boat.  Even the nurse couldn’t really refer to him as the “father of the baby.”

 This morning A and baby girl were alone and A wanted to eat breakfast so she asked me hold lil’ mama for a while.  IT WAS WONDERFUL!  She was quiet, soft and wiggly.  Cute little toes and hands and ears. Just precious!  I haven’t held a baby in a loooooong time.  After like 15 min, I had to give her to the nurses since it was assessment time.

I cried when I heard the news that she delivered. I was  happy for A, but sad about a lot of things. 

 I cried for my agonizing decision and labor that resulted in two dead babies in my arms. 

 I cried for the pregnancy I lost after the twins.

 I cried for the fact that pregnancy has been so difficult to achieve and maintain. 

I cried for the fact that everyone I know has living children and haven’t suffered like I have, even my own husband. 

I cried for the fact that I want to be a real mommy since stepmommy is just not the same. I want to raise a child based on my beliefs and ideals, not go by what someone else already has done or decides. Dom’s court ordered weekly visitations started at age 3.

I cried about the fact that A never appreciated her easy pregnancy and was still thinking selfishly up until the end.  She kept wondering what was gonna happen to her cooch since it’ll never be the same, baby is too early because she lied to her boyfriend about the timing of conception, blah blah blah.  Boyfriend is still there, he has kids with his ex-wife that A has never spent time with or hung out with as a group and now they’re gonna raise this baby girl together like one big happy Brady Bunch.  Just bizarre…how can you date someone for like 2+ years and never meet their other kids but expect to raise a kid together?

Anyway, happy birthday baby!

Change of heart

Last week I had a change of heart on hanging out with my pregnant friend Alicia and text her to see how she was doing (also see where her head was at).  She said she missed me and wanted to hang out or something so we set up a shopping date.  I also told her my news and she was excited for me and wanted to know all the details about the procedure and the meds I’m on, etc.  So I picked her up and noticed the undeniable baby bump she had going on (30 weeks).  Seeing the bump was weird because of all people to be preg. she was the last person I could think of and I was envious.  That’s right, envious. 

 I’m dying to get that bump, kinda like a “I beat infertility” badge of honor. I’ve dreamt of feeling that first real kick and lying in bed with my husb as he rubs, talks, and kisses my big belly.  Some day.

So she told me about her shower on the 21st and wants me and my mom to come.  Now baby showers suck because babies have been such a source of stress and pain for me.  I hosted 2 showers while TTC and got emotionally wrapped into each one.  Then every BFN was extra painful and the loss of the twins made baby showers unthinkable.  I couldn’t even go into a baby aisle until after I got the BFP last May and when I lost that one, no more baby crap for me.  I proposed the idea to my mom and she really wants to go, partly to return the favor that Alicia and her mom did for me by coming to my bridal shower 1.5hrs away from our houses.  So I’ll grin and bear it, maybe it’ll get me hyped for my lil’ bit.