Summer with Dom pt. 3

Just survived another week with Dom.  Last Monday (7/20), he came that evening and the peace between me and husb ended after only 24 hrs. 

The guest room is converted into Dom’s room when he’s here. So as soon as Auntie left, I stripped the bed, changed the linen, moved Dom’s toys into a position where he can find them and put his learning computer on the desk. Oops, I forgot to put Dom’s clothes back in the drawers.  They were sitting in a box to make room for Auntie.  I did put another dresser out for MeMe, put some of the clothes that “A” gave me in it, and rearranged some of the other stuff for the baby.  But the fact is…I forgot about Dom.  No I didn’t, I set the room up for him;he can put his own clothes away.  He’s old enough and definitely knows how to fold-n-stuff.  Husb says I’m too jumpy about the baby.  Pardon me for being excited about MY OWN BABY!  Dom has plenty of attention.

Husb is thinking that this is his last week with us until school starts. Okay so what.  He’ll be here on the weekends.  It’s not like he’s going away forever.  Our only focus should be on him at all times.  Yeah right.  I was more pissed that he was actually upset that I was excited about doing something for the baby.  What the hell!??! I swear, sometimes….

Wednesday (7/22): We went to Medieval Times in Anaheim as a trio and that was fun.  Got to cheer for the Yellow Knight who won his tourntment games, but he didn’t rescue the Prince from the evil Green Knight.  The Red Knight did that.  Overall, a fun experience.  I highly recommend it! 

The rest of the week consisted of husb planning things with Dom or leaving Dom in my care.  Not much of doing things as a trio.  That bothers me.  The only other thing we did as a trio was play Dominoes together.  We kinda used it as a math lesson. 

By Friday, husb said he wanted to give me my back rub for slaving all day to make sure Dom had whatever he needed, was entertained, and cooked dinner. Never happened. He spent all night hanging out and watching t.v. with Dom.  Saturday night, they washed the cars together and husb hurt his back, but still managed to go say hi to a friend that night that he hadn’t seen since he came back from Texas.  Sunday,  husb cooked us breakfast and slept the whole day. I ended up taking Dom shopping with me.  I bought the new Wii Sports Resort.  (Fun games, I like it better than Wii Sports).  Then, I got him some new shoes that are a size too big so he can grow into them. 

I found a bouncer for MeMe and bought it.  If it was up to me, I would’ve put it together to see what it looks like, but husb read my mind and started up with the attitude.  Let me be excited for my baby! 

Does he realize the pain and agony I went through not being able to get pregnant for years.  Or the pain of getting pregnant with twins and having to deliver them too damn early! Or the pain of holding my babies in my arms and letting them go.  That is pain that can’t be easily erased.  I hated having Dom around during that postpartum time simply because he was alive and loved his mother.  I didn’t get close to anyone’s kids, the pain was too deep.  But husb wanted me to cling to Dom and hoped he would take the pain away.  Nope, doesn’t work that way.  What takes the pain away is feeling MeMe kick and move and hearing her heart with my Doppler.  I’m watching my belly get big showing some stretchies and counting every week that goes by.  I’m not gonna curb my excitement because someone wants me to focus on their kid instead.  You are gravely mistaken mister.

Now it’s 29 weeks. Yay MeMe!  Almost there sweetie!

He went to drop his son off and of course, decided to go hang out at a friend’s house.  No massage tonight.  We really haven’t hung out or spent quality husb/wife time all week.  And he has the nerve to get all pissy about the fact that when MeMe is here, he’s not gonna get any love.  If I get nothing out of this union…

 ”At least I’ll have my daughter.”

Pissed Ice Queen

I’m pissed at my husb.  He’s pissed at me.  It’s the story of our lives right now. We had a fight last night, for like 4 hours of him bitching about how I’m an Ice Queen. 

I don’t show him any “love” and don’t even want to try.   He claims that we love spending time together and have no problem there but it’s the bedroom that is lacking. In order to feel love and appreciated, he needs that.  The doctors said no sex since I was 9 weeks due to bleeding.  He hit my cervix and it bled.  Then I had the surgery to stitch my cervix closed since I almost lost the baby so no more sex.  The appt with Dr S when I was 21 weeks, husb asked if we could do it now, doc said ”there is a risk for infection and the stitches are sharp, you might get hurt.”  Husb still wanted to try.  You dumb ass, I’m not risking this baby for your man-needs!  So he backed off.  He still wanted “kisses” without giving me my back rub and I refused, trying to show him that if I’m not gonna get some love too, then forget it.  Why does it have to be about what he wants. 

He says to compromise.  I’m not compromising the health of my baby.  I’m don’t want to risk getting an infection, going into preterm labor, and being forced to deliver this baby now.  She’ll be on a ventilator with IV lines and feeding tubes. He says she’s viable, things will work out.  What the hell?!  I sometimes wonder if he even cares whether or not we have a child together. He says “if it wasn’t meant to be, then it wasn’t meant to be.”  That kind of attitude, get’s NO LOVE.

He says he’s been with me through all my depression caused by infertility and the miscarriages.  That he’s been supportive, more like telling me I need to chill out and that I’m crazy.  He’s been patient with this process and feels like he’s not getting any of the love back.  Excuse me, who was there through all the crap with Dom and his bio-mom, who was there to help him with a lot of other shit that he was stressing out about.   He got what he wanted, his son.  Now I want my daughter.  I have been stressing out about this pregnancy from the beginning and he thinks an orgasm is what I need to feel better.  WHAT I NEED is my daughter to be born healthy and alive.  WHAT I NEED is a husb that understands that if I say I want a massage to make me feel better, then that’s what I should get instead of having to fight over the fact that I’m limiting myself since the doc never said I couldn’t get some “kisses” of my own.  I don’t want “kisses” because I don’t want contractions!  He thinks that’s why the shots are done to keep away the contractions. But orgasmic contractions can’t be stopped!

He keeps making it about what he thinks is best.  I should just listen to him.  He won’t steer me wrong.  Yeah, right.  If I end up in the hospital and they ask what happened, like a dumb ass, I’ll have to say we did x-y-z which was against doctor’s orders. No way.  I’ll listen and make my own conclusion.  I’m not gonna follow someone that doesn’t really know about how the body works. He’s so willing to take chances it’s scary. Too scary.

I have no desire to do anything sexual, but he keeps insisting I do it for him.  What he’s suggesting, I won’t mention, but I am so against and completely repulsed by the thought.  But if I do it for him then at least he’ll be happy.  NO. I may be a bad wife for not compromising, but I’ll be damned if I do something that I really don’t want to do to. It’s like him saying it would really make him happy if I jumped off a bridge and I don’t mean bungee style.  Should I do it because he’ll be happy? We all do things we don’t want to do to please our mates, but come on!  There has to be a limit. I have done enough compromising during this fertility process. I’ve compromised my feeling of womanhood my pride, and my sense of normalcy! I have to deal with watching his child grow up and wondering if I’ll ever have my own.

We’re so close to having this baby, I’m 26w3d along. Why change something if it’s working.  The regimen that I’m on now is working fine, why introduce new and possibly problematic things?!

He’s leaving tomorrow for his 10 day trip.  Counseling would be good when he comes back.

25 weeks and counting…

Last week was a busy one, my husband’s cousin was coming to town for business but wanted to hang with us for a few days.  So we had a hell-of-a time getting the guest room ready for her.  The house was a mess for like 2 days trying to go through what we don’t need and reorganize.  Since we’re renting rooms from my folks, it doesn’t always make for lots of space to put our things.  My parents have been great letting us save tons of $ for our infertility treatments and our future dream home. Anyway, I was packing stuff in big plastic bins and my husb had to put them in storage.  I think I packed at least 6 bins full.  But the guest room was beautiful when finished and there’s tons of space for MeMe now.  Also, pops was painting the kitchen and left the downstairs a mess, so thankfully mom cleaned that for me. 

We took our cousin shopping and to the County Fair to walk around and get some of that yummy fair food.  Very fun! But all that walking made me almost need to be carried home!  My feet were burning. Husb was walking too fast at times and I had to yell at him to slow down. He calls me “roley poley” and said that while I was walking, it was the first time I really looked pregnant.  He was soooo proud and keeps rubbing my tummy. Cousin said I still look heavier than normal, but could get away with not looking pregnant.  The only thing is that I wish I got something personalized like engraving or airbrushing, but there’s always next year.

I had an appt. with Dr. S.  on Monday, this time I went by myself.  BP great with weight up 4 lbs in 4 weeks (I weigh as much now as I weighed at 16 weeks with the twins). Dr. S. checked MeMe’s heartbeat via US and she gave us another shot of her bottom.  Definitely a girl.  He left it up to me to check my cervix.  Yes, please.  So he used the coochie-cam and could see it’s still long and closed measuring a good 4 cm.  He’s very pleased at my progress and told me to continue light activity.  I asked if I could go back to my regular OB after 28 weeks and he said that at this point there is less chance of complications and that it’s totally up to me.  He is comfortable letting me go.  I’m going to have one more appt. on 7/23 at 28w4d and do another 1 hr glucose screen, which I passed the first time.  Dr S is awesome, but these appts are boring and the drive down there is not fun, especially if I’m gonna be doing it every 2 weeks until the stitches are cut. I’d rather see Dr M and know that I will deliver at the hospital I work at which is very close to the house. If I stay with Dr S, I would have to go to a hospital like 45 miles down south where I had my cerclage done.  I only want to go there if I deliver super early (like between now and 30w). 

So with all this cleaning and painting, it got me and husb really wanting to set down some roots and buy a house.  I want us to move northeast where the houses are big and cheap, but he wants to stay here by the beach.  If we move up and out, I would have a 30-35 mile commute and can always drop MeMe off here so mom could watch her.  If we stay here, my commute is like 5 minutes and the convenience of seeing grandma and grandpa all the time is great.  But I think we can still drive down here on the weekends or they can come see us since it’s not like we’ll be 2 hrs away.  I will need my mom to watch the baby at least once a week due to my and husb’s work schedules.  So, I’ve been daydreaming and drooling over these fabulous houses and husb wants to keep checking around here where the houses are smaller, older, and expensive.  Boo! 

Husb finally b0ught his plane ticket, but he’s going alone.  He decided it was best to leave Dom behind with his mom, especially if he might be sick.  But I also think it’s because he wants one last freedom-trip before baby comes.  As long as he doesn’t do anything stupid that will cost us $$, then I’m cool with it.  He’ll be gone for 10 days.  During the time he’s gone, my aunt is coming to stay here and I’ll be doing some driving tours with her.  This is her first time in the U.S and in California, so it’ll be fun taking her around. Plus I don’t think she knows I’m pregnant so she’ll get a nice surprise.  My mom has been tight lipped about it, but finally told 2 of her friends at work.

One last thing, mom gave me my 17-P shot yesterday and hit a blood vessel.  I bled all over my new white/grey dress.  She freaked out, but it finally stopped. It was the first time she’s done that in years so I think it hurt her pride.  It’s okay, the medicine is in and that’s all that matters.

Summer starts with Dom (long)

****Warning, this post isn’t very nice, so stop reading if negativity bothers you****

This week is daddy’s week with Dom and then his mom will take him for two weeks on some kind of vacation.  Then every other week until school starts, he’s back with us.  Joy.  This is the schedule my husb worked out in court and he’s happy.  While my husb was fighting this out, I was trying to have a baby with no luck.  Imagine the frustration on my part. 

Ever since my husb and I were married, he’s been focused on getting visitations. His other baby-mama, let’s call her “The Bitch,” decided to play custody games while we were dating.  “You’ll never see him again” was her favorite thing to say to my husb.  Pretty damn cruel, you triflin’ Bitch.  She’s the one that cheated and put the doubt of paternity in my husb’s head.  So of course once that was settled, he’s was gonna want his child.  Duh.  If the experience was easier from the start, I think the whole situation would’ve been better.  I sat on the sidelines not too sure what was gonna happen. 

When he got some custody, it was after years of just me and him.  Imagine the shock to our relationship.  I had a health scare with PID right before our wedding and was told it could affect my fertility.  So our course we decided let’s try to make a baby right after all the antibiotics did their job.  That was oct. 2005.  Month after month of periods and then trying to bond with a 3 year old that only wanted his mommy all the time.  Talk about stress.  I cried.  I screamed.  My husb and I fought over everything. I would tell Dom something and my husb would come in and say the opposite.  So any authority I had was useless.  I hated that.  He wanted to me be more affectionate and call The Bitch every once in a while to have pow wows about Dom.  That ain’t happening. 

Dom would come over every week with a cold.  Bronchial coughing, sniffles, sneezes, the works.  Now being a nurse, germs are extremely yucky.  I had to sanitize everything and I would never want to give him hugs because he was always sick and cough all over the place.  Now I know kids get sick playing at preschool, but the fact that I didn’t know what he was exposed to made it worse.  (At least with MeMe, she’ll be with us 99.9% of the time so if she’s sick, I’ll mostly know where it came from). 

Anyway, my husb and I grew apart as I noticed we were striving for different things.  I was trying to get pregnant and he was all about working with his lawyer.  I didn’t get much attention.  After a year of no pregnancies, I went to a fertility seminar and did some testing. My mom was given a business card of a fertility center by a patient that had success and she suggested I check them out.  It was cost us out of pocket $ to do, but I was gung-ho about doing it.  My husb wasn’t as thrilled. He was happy with his son and felt that I should be just as content being a stepmom.  It was an ongoing battle because I was upset that he was only thinking about getting what he wanted. Our goals were completely different.

 I started having waves of anxiety whenever it was a visitation weekend.  One day, I was crying and my mom helped me find a counselor.  I saw one about 5 times, she tried to get me to see that a child didn’t give me anxiety, it was my husb’s behavior when the child was there.  She gave me pointers on how to bond with Dom, which didn’t really work.  She went on vacation and I never went back.  I guess me and husb should’ve saw her together.  Anyway, we made it to the fertility center after my husb dragged his feet and finally focused on having our own baby. My husb was afraid that there would be a divide between the love for my kids and his son, like what happened between his father and half-brother.  Biology is no joke.

My observations of Dom:

Dom has a mellow temperment.  He doesn’t run around and isn’t unruly breaking stuff. 

He’s quiet, shy, and it can be like pulling teeth to have a conversation with him. We finally told him about the baby and he smiled. How do you feel about having another baby to play with? “I don’t know.” Are you happy? “I guess.”

He lacks imagination sometimes and I bet it is because of all the TV and video games.  Husb bought him a Vtech, Vsmile and now the Wii.  He prefers to spend his time in front of a screen.

 He doesn’t play with his toys unless you tell him to.  That’s weird to me.  I always say let’s give them to less fortunate kids through Goodwill or send them to Ghana.

He doesn’t play outside on a beautiful sunny day unless you force him. 

He just started playing with the kid across the street after months of prompting.

He misses things right in front of him, I have a feeling he’ll need glasses like my husb did as a kid.

If you don’t tell him what to do, he’s aimless.  He’ll sit in the dark talking to himself.  My husb hates to see him bored and is constantly trying to stimulate him (even if it means putting him in front of a screen).  I don’t do that.  I think he’s old enough to know how to entertain himself or say “can I go to the park” or “go ride my bike” or “do you want to play a game.” His mom has so many kids in her house that I bet he’s bullied by his brothers and they tell him what to do.

And guess what, he’s sick this week.  Bronchial coughing, sneezing, sniffles, just like the olden days.  Yuck.  So unfortunately, I don’t get too close because I don’t want to get sick while pregnant.  Hopefully after this week, it’ll be gone unless he keeps getting germs from The Bitch’s house.

I’m definitely learning from the mistakes made raising Dom.

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Brother-in-law

My brother-in-law pisses me off.  He’s so mean to my husb, it hurts because he loves him so much!  Today is my BIL’s birthday and my husb is running around buying him a card to show him some love.  Then he calls his bro to say hi-n-stuff and of course, the dude is drunk in Las Vegas.  How come he didn’t tell us he was coming westward?  My husb could’ve drove to Vegas and had dinner or hung out, but my BIL was like “it’s a business trip” and the dude is unemployed, so he had time!  My husb is in Cali while the rest of his family is in Indiana and he gets homesick at times.  When we lost the boys 1/08, none of his family flew out to see him, but later we found out his bro was in Vegas that Feb. with some chick-of-month.  My husb was very hurt by that.  Now this last conversation they had was full of smart-ass remarks and animosity when my husb was being nice.  My husb keeps extending himself to him and the dude just acts like he’s nothing to him.  That guy has issues, deep seeded issues.  Maybe he’s jealous since he’s pushing 40, single, and miserable and maybe infertile.  Women keep saying their babies are his and DNA proves otherwise.  He’s not as wealthy as he used to be so he’s all pissed off.  As my husb says, money can make people evil.

They are 6 years apart.  Just like Dom and this baby, I’m scared they won’t be close either.  Or that when they get older things will be weird.  All I can do is raise this child to love his big brother, be his/her own person, and remember that family/heritage is important.