34 weeks and counting…

mmm, ice cream...

Today, MeMe is 34w5d. We had an appointment with the OB on Wednesday and baby girl is growing fine.  BP good, no weight gain, and nothing in my urine.  Great! We learned that from the US we had, she is about 5.5 to 6 lbs already and if I make it to 40 wks, she’ll be about 8 lbs or so.  Come out early please. The doc commented on my “uneventful, eventful pregnancy”.  Yep, ever since the cerclage surgery, everything has been peachy.  Nothing else has come up.  She also commented that if my cervix is truly incompetent, I’ll deliver pretty soon after the stitches are cut and she reminded me to pre-register at the hospital.  I have the paperwork, I just keep forgetting to turn it in. It requires me to actually walk in to my old work place.  Ha ha. 

The weather is so ridiculously hot, I can’t sleep at night or during the day, and the AC is starting to act up.  Sometimes I’m too scared to leave it on or put it so it’s extra frosty.  Fans are nice, but it’s blowing all this hot humid air around.  Southern Cali is supposed to be desert, so dry heat isn’t too bad.  But adding humidity to it is terrible.  This damn humidity is coming from the Hurricane down in Mexico.  Give us rain, not heat!

Preggie symptoms: feet and ankle swelling, palpitations when standing in a hot room (doc said to keep cool and don’t stand still), stronger BH contractions, rib kicks, super belly, indigestion, feeling full faster, shortness of breath when walking or going upstairs.  Husb hates when I go up and down the stairs a few times.  He tries to get me what I need.  He’s on pins and needles because he says I’m at that stage where I might pop.  If I go to the store, I have to have my cell with me to call in case I’m in labor.  His phone broke so he had to go a week without it, he really hated not being in touch.

Everything has arrived for MeMe.  Her playard/bassinet/changing table, stroller and carseat have all been unpacked and fully assembled.  “A” brought some leftover formula that her baby couldn’t eat because she had some kind of allergy/reaction to it, always vomiting a lot.  She swtiched to a different mix and it works better for her.  She brought like 6 or 7 cans of that stuff.  I plan to do both breast and bottle so we’ll see if I even use most of it.  Thanks anyway. Last big item I need at this time is a breast pump because I know I only have 12 weeks in a row off after she’s born, then I’ll be pumping my boobs during my lunch breaks. Her room has plenty of storage and stuff already, but decor can wait until we get our own house.  We have less than 3 months to get something with the help of that wonderful tax credit.  Then move in completely by Christmas. Tick tock. Husb doesn’t want the party until after we get the house.  He totally stole my thunder and I’m still not too happy about it.  I was really really jazzed about the party. She’ll be about 3-5 months by the time he wants to do it. I know by then she’ll be much cuter and more social, but grrrrrr!  I want my party!

Soapbox time: True vs false incompetence.  That concept always pisses me off.  If it’s truly incompetent, the cervix will act A, B, C, but if it acts X, Y, Z, then it’s not.  Well that’s not really true at all.  Because a person can have A, B, and X and still have a crappy cervix that will cause a person to lose their baby.  The docs kept telling me that with my twins, they couldn’t tell if it was true incompetence based on my descriptions of what happened and my chart.  My water broke because of cervical dilation, but I did not fully dilate enough to deliver the babies without medicine.  So maybe I don’t need a cerclage.  Maybe my ass!  I needed one (or two) badly and it’s gotten me this far.  So if my cervix does not dilate after the stitch removal until Oct. 11th, so be it, but I’ll be damned if someone tells me my cervix wasn’t truly incompetent.

Awesome Ultrasound, awesome day

Got to see Miss MeMe and my cervix this morning.  She has baby fat and hair! Yay!  The tech didn’t say how much she weighed, but her measurements averaged 33w1d but I am 33w4d based on LMP.  She has consistently measured a few days behind because I ovulated later than the average 14 days rule, so it’s all good.  Due date doesn’t change for a handful of days!   Defintitely still a girl! We got some awesome pictures of her cute little baby face.  The tech let us watch her yawn and stick her tongue out.  We could see her practice breathing and trying to move in her crammed space.  She has plenty of amniotic fluid and the placenta is still good.  My cervix is a comfortable 3 cm, so not too worried there either. 

I think she has my nose, but mom and husb say she’s gonna look like him.  She has his forehead and overall shape of face.  We won’t really know until she comes out.  Either way, she’s my cutie! 

Our stroller/carseat came today and it’s gorgeous!  Husb took it out of the box and we were so giddy, it almost made us late for the appointment.  Playard is in transit, being shipped from Ohio according to the tracking #.  Should be here next week.

We have a date for the Cerclage Removal….drum roll please…….Sept 15th @ 0930.  Super yay!  MeMe’s shackles are coming off and she will be free to leave the premises! So just gotta hang out these next 3 weeks.  Soooo excited! 

The only thing that made the day suck was that it’s sooo freaking hot! I thought my skin was melting!

Another fabulous appointment (32w4d)

Yesterday, I had a pretty good doctor’s appointment with Dr. M’s office.  We had to wait 1.5 hours to be seen because the doc I was  assigned to was stuck doing an emergency C-section.  They were going to reschedule me for another day, but husb was pushy and insisted I be seen since I was “high-risk.”  So they managed to squeeze me in.  I told him not to act like that when I’m hospitalized! But I gotta hand it to him, he gets results.

My bp was good, mostly because I told the MA to give me a second to let my heart rate go down.  Belly is measuring on target and my urine was fine. Up 3 pounds in 2 weeks.  Been lazy and hungry! 

Doc wants me to get a US to check my cervical length and see how MeMe is growing.  Fantastic!  I haven’t seen her in 4 weeks! Then we asked about the Cerclage Removal and we found out it will be on L&D  at my hospital since it’s more sterile and I can be monitored for contractions. They will call me with the date that it will be scheduled but I should expect sometime after Sept 14th (36w1d).  Yay! Hopefully I’ll dilate right away and only have like a week or two until labor starts.  Mom thinks and dreamed that I’ll deliver on her birthday, Sept 24th.  Another Libra in the house!

We got some info on local pediatricians and the form to pre-register for the hospital. The new doc trained with Dr. S. way back in the day and she was pretty sharp on addressing any concerns. We’ll see another doc at my 34 wk appointment.

We also just bought MeMe’s stroller and carseat on +arget.com and it should be delivered to our house sometime next week.  After it arrives, then I’ll get the pack-n-play that she’ll be sleeping in.  It matches the travel system and has music/vibrations to help soothe her. It has a changing station built in, napper, and bassinet along with the playyard on the bottom.  We thought it was pretty cool when we first saw it, but now it’s no longer in the stores and we have to buy it online.  You would think that if it was being discontinued, it should be on sale! It’s a freakin’ clearance item.  Oh well. I just want it here by stitch cutting time.

I’ve been working on the Outdooring Party.  I find it more exciting to figure out.  Everyday I try to discuss it my mom or husb and I think they’re tired of me already! Can’t really plan for the baby anymore since a lot of it is learning on the spot.  So at least now that I have plenty of time, I can start the prep for the party.  I know when MeMe comes and I’ll be focusing on her that the thought of planning and organizing a party will be the last thing on my mind.  Mom and I planned the food and invite list just last night. We’ll have lots of ladies helping on the day of the party.

29 weeks and switching

My insurance ends today, but I didn’t get my notice until yesterday.  How lame is that?  So I had to call my husb’s insurace company to make them aware so that they don’t act like they don’t have to pay for anything because they think I still have the other insurance.  I found out the specialist is covered and I don’t need authorization to see him since it is a PPO.  But I want to see my regular OB.  Even the lady on the phone asked if I had a doc that will deliver me because the peri won’t do it.  Then I realized, I really need to get back in touch with Dr M.  This is nuts that I’m like almost 10 weeks away from my due date, 7 weeks from stitch cutting and my OB has no idea what’s going on with me.  Just didn’t seem right. So I made an appointment with her for Monday, when I’ll be 30w1d.  I also have to make sure my chart gets to her office.  I’ll put Dr. S on the backburner for now. I figure, my cervix has been pretty stable for months now.  The stitches haven’t fallen out into the toilet,  no bleeding (a sign of cervical changes), no regular contractions, and baby is moving around alot.  If trouble comes, I’ll probably be on total bedrest.

I know I have been very blessed to have not had any more issues since the cerclage surgery and to have had the opportunity to see a peri, but he’s like rain on my parade. He comes in the room all serious with a kinda “so what are we doing today” attitude. I’m just a patient, but I think you should check the baby and my cervix.  Then he’s like, “everything’s okay….for now.  Come in 2 or 3 weeks, whatever you’re comfortable with.” It’s up to me because it’s like he doesn’t care either way.   He’s nothing like my other peri who called me “darling” every time he saw me and was just an dynamic character.  His bedside manner was unbelievable.  He made the worst days of my life more bearable. 

Oh Dr S, parting is such sweet sorrow.

28 weeks of Triumph

28 weeks and MeMe is still on lockdown. I am now firmly into my 3rd Trimester. Fantastic!  It’s been 12 weeks since the surgery. I have 8 more weeks until the cerclage can be cut.

I see Dr S on Thursday 7/23 and hopefully that will be the last peri visit.

Husb comes back this evening, so even though he’s mine for the night, Dom is staying with us this week. Joy. I hope we all can just get along.

Next milestone is Super-preemie viability at 32 weeks.

Time to do some more shopping!

Pissed Ice Queen

I’m pissed at my husb.  He’s pissed at me.  It’s the story of our lives right now. We had a fight last night, for like 4 hours of him bitching about how I’m an Ice Queen. 

I don’t show him any “love” and don’t even want to try.   He claims that we love spending time together and have no problem there but it’s the bedroom that is lacking. In order to feel love and appreciated, he needs that.  The doctors said no sex since I was 9 weeks due to bleeding.  He hit my cervix and it bled.  Then I had the surgery to stitch my cervix closed since I almost lost the baby so no more sex.  The appt with Dr S when I was 21 weeks, husb asked if we could do it now, doc said ”there is a risk for infection and the stitches are sharp, you might get hurt.”  Husb still wanted to try.  You dumb ass, I’m not risking this baby for your man-needs!  So he backed off.  He still wanted “kisses” without giving me my back rub and I refused, trying to show him that if I’m not gonna get some love too, then forget it.  Why does it have to be about what he wants. 

He says to compromise.  I’m not compromising the health of my baby.  I’m don’t want to risk getting an infection, going into preterm labor, and being forced to deliver this baby now.  She’ll be on a ventilator with IV lines and feeding tubes. He says she’s viable, things will work out.  What the hell?!  I sometimes wonder if he even cares whether or not we have a child together. He says “if it wasn’t meant to be, then it wasn’t meant to be.”  That kind of attitude, get’s NO LOVE.

He says he’s been with me through all my depression caused by infertility and the miscarriages.  That he’s been supportive, more like telling me I need to chill out and that I’m crazy.  He’s been patient with this process and feels like he’s not getting any of the love back.  Excuse me, who was there through all the crap with Dom and his bio-mom, who was there to help him with a lot of other shit that he was stressing out about.   He got what he wanted, his son.  Now I want my daughter.  I have been stressing out about this pregnancy from the beginning and he thinks an orgasm is what I need to feel better.  WHAT I NEED is my daughter to be born healthy and alive.  WHAT I NEED is a husb that understands that if I say I want a massage to make me feel better, then that’s what I should get instead of having to fight over the fact that I’m limiting myself since the doc never said I couldn’t get some “kisses” of my own.  I don’t want “kisses” because I don’t want contractions!  He thinks that’s why the shots are done to keep away the contractions. But orgasmic contractions can’t be stopped!

He keeps making it about what he thinks is best.  I should just listen to him.  He won’t steer me wrong.  Yeah, right.  If I end up in the hospital and they ask what happened, like a dumb ass, I’ll have to say we did x-y-z which was against doctor’s orders. No way.  I’ll listen and make my own conclusion.  I’m not gonna follow someone that doesn’t really know about how the body works. He’s so willing to take chances it’s scary. Too scary.

I have no desire to do anything sexual, but he keeps insisting I do it for him.  What he’s suggesting, I won’t mention, but I am so against and completely repulsed by the thought.  But if I do it for him then at least he’ll be happy.  NO. I may be a bad wife for not compromising, but I’ll be damned if I do something that I really don’t want to do to. It’s like him saying it would really make him happy if I jumped off a bridge and I don’t mean bungee style.  Should I do it because he’ll be happy? We all do things we don’t want to do to please our mates, but come on!  There has to be a limit. I have done enough compromising during this fertility process. I’ve compromised my feeling of womanhood my pride, and my sense of normalcy! I have to deal with watching his child grow up and wondering if I’ll ever have my own.

We’re so close to having this baby, I’m 26w3d along. Why change something if it’s working.  The regimen that I’m on now is working fine, why introduce new and possibly problematic things?!

He’s leaving tomorrow for his 10 day trip.  Counseling would be good when he comes back.

20 weeks of joy and paranoia…

MeMe (gummy bear’s new nickname) has reached her 20’s. I’m so proud! Everyday when I’m in bed, I feel little taps in my uterus and round ligament pains. I hate those aches and pains, they freak me out. I get paranoid that I’m having contractions or that my cervix is trying to open. Then I feel my panties to make sure they aren’t wet. I am VERY paranoid of my water breaking. I remember very clearly what happened prior to the surprise of my life when my bag of water splashed all over the kitchen floor last year, so I am watching vigilantly for anything close to that. I am slowly starting to trust my body and my stitches. They are holding and my cervix is obeying. Good girl! I’m still taking those 17P shots in the ass every Monday in hopes of keeping my uterus quiet. One more week until we see Dr. S. again. It’s been 4 weeks since the surgery and this is the first week where I don’t have an appointment. I almost feel kinda normal now. Key word is ALMOST.

My next goal is for MeMe to get to 24 weeks. She made it to 20, it wasn’t a very smooth trip, but here we are. Thank you Lord!

Welcome ICLW

Welcome and hugs! Just wanted to show some love to everyone dealing with the common thread of infertility, pregnancy loss, and high-risk pregnancies; I feel you on many levels. My husb and I have been trying to have a child together for 3.5 years. I have PCOS and a sluggish thyroid gland. Luckily, my husb can make babies. We used injectables and IUI in 2007 and was pregnant with twin boys, but lost them due to an incompetent cervix that caused my water to break at only 16 weeks (1/08). Devastated at our loss, we stuck together and ended up with a natural BFP, but had an early miscarriage in 6/08. 2008 was just a horrible year for our family. We decided to do the injectables and IUI in Jan of 09 and are now pregnant with a singleton. I have to deal with another high-risk pregnancy because my cervix started shortening and thinning at 16 weeks AGAIN! I now have a double cerclage in place and am blogging my days away until baby is born.

Officially disabled

My disability claim kicked in as of 5/8/09 so I’m glad all the paper work-n-stuff is done.  I was supposed to go back to work tonight.  I did make the mistake of taking a mandatory class yesterday and got scolded by the disability specialist at work for doing that.  My bad…I got a threatening letter saying I would be terminated if I didn’t take the class so I figured I better take it now while I can.  It wasn’t bad, I spent a lot of idle time sitting down and taking pressure off my cervix.  I was done with the class quickly and was certified.  I saw a lot of coworkers that I am cool with taking another class so I was nosy to see what they were doing.  I didn’t get to talk to them, but I at least waved hi.  I texted one lady and she told me to get on facebook to keep in touch. 

Anyway, saw Dr. S. on 5/11 and he did an abdominal u/s to see baby and my cervix.  We got some great shots of baby looking at the “camera” and posing.  Such a cutie!  He could see the stiches glowing at the bottom of the screen so he knows they are still in place, my cervix is still closed and that the baby’s sac  is not bulging down.  He wanted my cervix to heal more before he goes poking around with the coochcam. He promises he’ll measure it next visit and gave me the option to come in 2, 3 or 4 weeks.  We opted for 3 weeks so next visit is 6/1.  Next week is the level 2 ultrasound on 5/19.  Hopefully baby will cooperate and show us the goods!  My husb. has been a nervous wreck wanting to know the gender, he’s driving me and the doc crazy!

I think his problem is that Dom’s mom had her baby on 5/8 and it was a girl.  So Dom has a little sis that he’ll be sharing birthdays with, kinda sucks but it’s not our problem.  His b-day was 5/10.  We bought him a Wii for great family entertainment!  He usually spends some of his birthdays or the weekend before his birthday with us.  We haven’t let him know about my baking gummy bear. My husb told him about the twins right away and then had to explain to him that they died.  How do you discuss that with a 6 yr old?  He did it without me and I didn’t feel comfortable discussing that with Dom.  This time, lips are sealed about the new baby, but I think my husb wants to know the gender so he can tell Dom he’s gonna have a new baby _____ during the holidays.

I think baby is coming in September.  Once those stiches get cut, it’s open season.

My bionic cervix – cerclage story

Here is the story of my surgery:

No food since 0130 and was starving! Husb and I checked in @ 0700 and they took us back to a room to get changed. The charge nurse asked some questions and started my IV, I guess my assigned nurse didn’t come in until 8. We heard baby’s heart with the doppler. A doc informed me about the procedure and I signed the consent. A bunch of docs introduced themselves to me since they would be in the OR room.

My case is rare. IC occurs in like 1% of pregnancies so seeing a cerclage is a learning opp for some of the docs. It took a while for stuff to get started because 2 ladies came in laboring and my official doc (Dr H) had to attend to them. As soon as 1 delivered, my show started at around 0930.
The anesthesiologist gave me pepcid & reglan to prevent nausea, then I had to drink some weird med to prevent reactions to the spinal. Then they gave fentanyl in my IV before she stuck me in the back. That stuff made me so high I barely noticed the spinal. It took a few minutes and my whole lower body went numb. I couldn’t feel my ass or move my legs. The nurse and tech had to move them for me and put them up in the crazy stirrups. My cooch was wide open to the world! They did a lot of prep. Dr H came in and he was confident and jovial. He was teaching Dr T about the procedure and they did it together. I couldn’t feel anything! But I could see the blood they suctioned out and it seemed like a lot.

After they were done (total of 15 to 30 min), they told me I really needed the cerclage and that things went well. I have 2 heavy-duty stitches keeping baby on lockdown. I was back to my room at 11 am and started drinking apple juice. Next I had to be monitored for contractions and I had none. The spinal med took like 7hrs to wear off enough for me to walk and pee on my own. I had some belly discomfort at 1330 and needed a catheter to drain my bladder. I took motrin for pain. I ended up being discharged around 1545 and was wheeled to the car. My mom came to see me in the hosp preop and stayed until noon.

Overall I feel fine and but my insides are sore.