I know it’s been forever since I last blogged.  The little lady keeps me busy and I don’t want to be one of those moms that blog about everything their child is doing.  She’s growing up happy and healthy.  She is now a spunky, talkative 2 year old.  Enough said right?

So here we are in the quest for live baby #2.  Well technically pregnancy #4.  Yep, baby fever has set in, plus everyone at work keeps asking me when we’re gonna have another one.  “I don’t know” is my smart reply.  To be honest, I really don’t.  Who’s to say I will get pregnant this month or 6 months from now.  I have no idea. 

-I don’t check my temp.

-I already know that ovulation is a problem.  My periods have become erratic again. I stopped my BCPs in February 2011, had monthly periods until August, then had to wait 77 days for my next period to start.  My last one was Oct. 1st and nothing since.  I’ve tested twice and BFN!  So what now you ask? I saw Dr  M (my ob-gyn) and told her that we want to have another little one, but my fertility is in question again.  She suggested using glucophage for 6 months to get regulated and to help the PCOS, then go for the IUI (so may April 2012).  Yay….so excited.  Glucophage 1000 mg twice a day is rough on the body.  It makes me nauseous and want to puke.  I have to trick my body by splitting the dose up into 4 little doses.  I just can’t handle 2 pills in one sitting.  Heartburn, indigestion, and flatulence galore!  Real sexy for baby-making.  I only take it for baby making purposes.  Must get the hormones in check to produce better eggs, to produce the best baby possible.  I was really hoping after MeMe, my body would fix itself.  But I also know I have quite a few pounds to lose to get back to pre-baby weight.  I fell victim to the Toddler Food-Trap.  You know, when your toddler eats a little and you finish the rest. 

I watched the pounds pack on so now I’m trying to exercise more.  We have fancy exercise equipment in the garage but I have no desire to go in there to work out.  My husband smokes near the garage and keeps his nasty ash tray out there so the garage stinks.  Not good to be taking deep breaths and breathing that crap in.  I told him to go far away from the house but he doesn’t listen. He’s a little stressed right now and wants to enroll in school so he smokes more.  So now I want to take an exercise class or something.  I think I’ll try Zumba at the local rec center.

The ladies at work keep bugging me about my next one. My aunt says…keep the factory open! Ummm, sure, but not really ready just yet. Back to back pregnancies seem too difficult. I know one girl was planned, the other was an ooops! She has 3 kids already. Good luck!

Another young lady at work found out she was pregnant in March and I was sooo excited for her. She had been wanting a baby since her wedding 2 years ago. I’m not sure if she was trying all this time, but I know she wanted one. She is a stepmom to 2 teens. She showed me her ultrasound and I jumped for joy! She’s having a girl, so I can hand down stuff as needed. Congrats again newbie! Mommyhood is awesome!

5 months!

I haven’t posted in what seems like forever, mostly because I have trying to do everything around here.

January was spent gearing up for the Outdooring party. I slaved over self-printed invitations and sent them out to whoever we could think of 3-4 weeks before the actual event. My husb was going to our new neighbors handing out invites to them. Planning was primarily done by my mother, who was hell-bent on running the show. We clashed on a few things and my husb kept trying to turn the party into everything more than just a party for MeMe: a birthday party for him (Feb 2nd was his day), a housewarming party, and a pool party. No buddy, this party is celebrating MeMe’s birth and giving all of our friends a chance to see her all at once. We planned this party like it was a wedding or something.

February 13th was showtime. First of all, the ladies that were supposed to bring the food and come early ended up coming a little late. Eeek! Mom was taking a nap after setting up and cleaning and guests were arriving before she got dressed. By this time it was 2:30 and the party was supposed to start at 2. So I greeted the guests with MeMe in her party dress.

Then my husb was still trying to get the stereo system set up while guests were arriving. I was not happy about that. First, he spent way too much money on it. Second, he waited until the last minute to get it working, so even though music was playing when folks arrived, the speakers outside in the backyard didn’t work. He ended up having my father and other guys help him almost all night long trying to get that damn thing bumping right. Drove me nuts! I told him he should’ve started working on that thing the day he bought it, not the night before the party. Yikes!

We had MeMe’s naming ceremony. This involves letting baby girl know that her name comes from a long line of ancestors. Her name goes back several generations on my mother’s side. We also told her Akan name: Esi, for all the baby girls born on Sunday, she shares the spirit and strength of the community.

This was my backyard at the beginning of the party:

these were the folks who came on time!

By the end of party, around 9:30pm, people had come and gone, ate and drank, socialized and networked and loved seeing MeMe. We also got compliments on the house. Nice! We felt good after all was said and done. Plus the cleanup wasn’t too bad, my kitchen and backyard were pretty clean, only a few things to pick up. Cans and bottles were all in bags by the end of the night. Thank God for helpful and cleanly friends!

My MIL and sisters-in-law were supposed to visit right before the party, but had to cancel. My MIL’s mother was in a coma and died on Feb 18th. The funeral was in indiana a week later so we flew with baby out to see my husband’s family. MeMe did pretty well on the plane. Only needed to eat once, got changed twice, and quietly played in our laps.  She dozed off a couple of times, and cried at the end of the flight when the altitude changed a little fast.  Good job baby girl!  She got a lot of love from her other side of family.  She’s only known my side for a long time.  My husb’s brother, living out in Las Vegas, didn’t come to our party for no particular reason.  Even though he is a 4 hour drive or1 hour flight away, he still didn’t come.  He and his new wife (we’ll see how long this one lasts) didn’t even apologize or give a reason for not coming.  But we saw them at the funeral.  Go figure.  I can’t stand that man at all.  And his wife wears too much makeup.  She looked like a clown.  All the girl cousins in my age group thought the same thing! We were laughing about it.  Any way, MeMe has tons of second cousins to play with and they’re all girls.  2 babies were less than 9 months old. Soo000 cute.  But MeMe is hands down the cutest  

Husb is ready for another one…whaaaaattttt?  Another one next year.  His theory is that it might take awhile so we should start trying next Jan-March.  Hmmm…..I was very shocked when he first told me that.  But in some ways he’s right but I think he just wants to be surrounded by kids!  He once said he would love 6.  But he’ll settle for 3 or 4.  Men have no idea how hard it is!  I am agreeable about starting next year.  But this year, I need some time to recover from the last pregnancy and have all the fun I denied myself last year.  Trips, amusement parks, casinos, concerts! All that stuff. I also want to enjoy MeMe’s infancy as much as possible.  Months fly by fast.

First, we got the keys to our house the day before Thanksgiving.  We survived escrow!  The money we paid for the down payment and closing costs was enough for 2 rounds of IVF at my favorite fertility center.  I am so glad I insisted we have MeMe first.  Thank God for IUI and our IUI baby!   

We enjoyed our Thanksgiving. Husb and I made love that night for the first time since March 12th.  Amazing.  No really, aaaammmmaaaaazzzzzing!

 We started getting the house ready to move in on that Friday.  We hired a cleaning company to do some hardcore cleaning that I would never have been able to do with MeMe in tow.  The previous owners did a fabulous job cleaning, but it’s always good to really get into the nooks and crannies.   Our POD (portable on demand storage container) was delivered and we officially started moving in.  We are now about 80% moved in.  All of our stuff is out of the POD, it’s been in there for 2 years 9 months!  We still have some stuff at my parent’s house, such as some of MeMe’s things, my work uniforms and beauty products, because I wanted to stay there while getting adjusted to working again.  I think maybe next week, I’ll spend more time at our house going through and putting things away.  We should be ready for MeMe’s outdooring on Feb 13.  She’ll be 4.5 months old.

Back at work:  Hmmm, weird feeling at first.  I felt like a new grad trying to get acquainted with all the new technology and charting and getting myself in “Nurse Mode” organization.  A little tricky my first night shift.  The first day back, I was orienting with the clinical educator for 12 hours on a day shift.  That shift I work had everyone thinking I was moving to Day Shift.  HEEELLLLL NOOOOO!  Day shift is chaos on my floor.  I like the calm mellowness of nights even though we do primary care with minimal CNA support.  I have worked 5 shifts as a nurse on the floor and starting to get my groove back.   Lots of good and bad changes.  I’m getting used to it. Good to see old faces.  A lady who was a new grad with me and still works with me took me to breakfast the other morning after a rough night.

 One of my homegirls at work decided to throw me a little baby shower in the break room. Sooo cute.  She went all out with the decorating in purple, yellow, and green.  She made pacifiers out of lifesavers, a huge diaper cake with birds made out of washcloths and flowers out of socks, a onesie bouquet, baby booties made out of medicine cups, and little shirts made out napkins.  She went all out.  I could only take pics with a cell phone camera and I’m still trying to figure out how to get them off.  We got lots of gifts and people awwwed at MeMe’s photo album.  I made sure to hug and thank everyone that gave and came.

With all the decorative stuff I got from the shower and Disney’s new black princess, I know just how I’m gonna do MeMe’s new room.  Soooo excited.  I bought some Princess Ti.ana stickers for myself!

Well MeMe is now 12 weeks old and almost 12 lbs.  Still around the 50th percentile.  We had to switch formulas again because she was throwing everything up.  The docs said spitting up is normal and suggested this special hypoallergenic formula as a last resort if it seems problematic.  Well we are trying it and she is spitting up less, pooping better, and less gassy.  And sleeping longer.  MeMe has champagne taste!  This new formula ain’t cheap at all!  Here is her smiling away.

With so much work to do and only so many hours in a day, I’ll probably read more posts than I’ll write.  Mommyhood has been such a blessing.  Having MeMe is the best Christmas and Birthday present ever! My birthday is on the 16th.  This year, I finally feel like a grown up.  I have a beautiful daughter and a beautiful home. God is good.

Growing cutie!

Just had my 6 week check up with the OBGYN and saw my primary doc 2 weeks ago.  The fun never ends when it comes to my health issues.

Primary doc was sooo happy that I finally had a baby! I’ve seen him since I was 12.  He knows my parents very well.  When I first starting having fertility problems, he was there ordering labs and tests and helping to get to the bottom of it. When I suffered from postpartum depression after the loss of my twins, he ordered the “get happy pills.”  When my RE said I had a thyroid issue and wouldn’t do the IUI until it was fixed, this doc gave me my prescription to fix it.  I gave him a birth announcement and a hug for being so helpful. Turns out he has a new grandson as well! I told him about my postpartum preeclampsia/pulmonary edema episode and he ordered follow up labs as well as keeping me on my meds to stay normal.  Labs came back fine, except for maybe a UTI, culture pending.

My GYN appointment was with Dr. P, who delivered MeMe.  My new problem of the month: Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding.  I have had my period for over 2 weeks and it’s not stopping.  The lochia stuff stopped after 3 weeks and then my period started at 4 weeks after delivery.  Here I am at almost 7 weeks and I’m just continuously bleeding and bleeding and bleeding.  IT REALLY SUCKS!  Apparently, the mini pill that I’m taking for contraception is doing it’s job too well.  It’s made my uterine lining too unstable, but not only that, I can’t really get my groove on with all this bleeding going on so there is a 100% chance of not getting pregnant, any time soon ha ha. I have some options and I was just soo pissed that I always seem to have some kind of problem or end up in that small percentage of people that gets screwed. I have some options:

• Stop the mini pill, get an IUD
• Stop the mini pill, use condoms
• Stop the mini pill and switch to the combination pills, but no more breastfeeding
• Or maybe the bleeding will stop on its own and I can stay on the mini pill

Crap!  I loved pumping and giving MeMe the boob juice because I know it’s best for her.    I hate to have to give that up now. I just feel so guilty to stop the boob juice.  But the main thing is that she is here and is healthy.  She’ll be fine on formula alone.  What I don’t want is to become anemic from all this damn bleeding or have a uterus too jacked up to have any more babies. I’ve given myself until Monday to see if the bleeding stops. Then switch to the combo pill.   

Another thing, boy did my vagina muscles contract back up.  Doesn’t even seem like I popped out a baby a few weeks ago.  The speculum was awful!  She had to use the little one to do my pelvic exam.   I’m a born-again virgin.  Eek! I didn’t like being one the first time around.

Just started getting on the treadmill.  These pounds need to come off.

Other things on my mind other than my uterus and cooch is going back to work.  I have this packet of skills to review. I also realized how cool it would be to review cardiac rhythm strips so I found an awesome website that runs a strip and explains what it is or you can quiz yourself.  Just needed to refresh my memory.  I haven’t had to do that since April. I really need to get back to work, staying around the house all the time has lost its coolness.  I need to use my brain like it’s been trained to do.  I need to have random conversations with coworkers and laugh and bitch about our husbands.  I need to show off pictures of MeMe and talk about babies growing up fast. 

I will miss being with MeMe, but mom and I have currently been sharing baby care duties.    Mom will watch for a few hours and then hand her back to me. So when I go to work, it won’t be like I feel like I’m leaving her for the first time.

Still waiting out our time in escrow. I really hate how all information is funnelled through my husb and then he forwards me the emails whenever he feels like it.  He swears that I stress or fixate on certain things or freak out when its not necessary, which isn’t true.  I’m a practical realist, he’s a dreamer.  He’s thinks “everything is fine”  and that stuff should happen on his terms, but when shit needs to be done and there’s no time to playing power games.  The loan officer wanted some info back on Thursday and he still hasn’t given it to her.  He’ll just wait till Monday.  Why wait, he could’ve done it on Friday at the latest.  If escrow doesn’t close on time, it’s his fault.

We finally found a house (owners wanted to sell fast) and are now in escrow!  Husb (a newly licensed real estate agent) and his real estate broker put in the contract that we wanted a 21 day escrow to get things moving quickly, get that $8000 tax credit  and be in the house by Thanksgiving. One more thing to be thankful for.  After that, I start back full time at work on Dec 1st.  I’ve been off for far too long.

My new baby:

All the appliances are staying in the house so less stuff to have to buy!  We’re just gonna need lots of furniture.

Just waitin for the final paperwork stuff and the keys!

Moo!

Here is my siren at one month:

Someone taught her how to scream when she is uncomfortable whether it’s hunger, wet diaper, poopy diaper, gassy or needing sleep.  Thank goodness for pacifiers!  Once she’s comfortable, it’s back to being a snuggly angel. Love it! She likes to fall asleep om the left side of my chest, listening to my heartbeat. 

I’ve learned lots of lessons from the Motherhood that my mom purposefully didn’t tell me:.

1. Life happens in 3 hour intervals (time between feedings) so get all the crap I need to do in that timeframe, otherwise MeMe gets needs met 1st.

2. I will become more efficient in time management than I ever have before.  Lollygagging is not permitted.

3. TIRED and SLEEP are five letter words that I am not allowed to feel or experience.  It doesn’t matter how “tired” I am or how much “sleep” I’m lacking, MeMe’s gotta eat, be changed, played with and have her bottles sterilized, breastmilk pumped, clothes/bibs/blankets washed, and dinner needs to be made, rooms cleaned and announcements sent.  And on top of that…we are house-hunting in a hurry. 

4. Even though everyone helps, 10 pm until 8:30 am, is my shift and mine alone. I have the sole responsibility of baby-care. So now MeMe wants to get up at 1a and stay up until 4a, I gotta stay up with her. Husb helps, but not as much as I had fantasized about during the pregnancy.

5.  When someone offers to watch the baby, I take full of advantage and get hours of SLEEP in a row. 

6. Having my period restart really sucks.  I was sooo happy going without for 9 months, then after birth, there is all that lochia bleeding for like 3 weeks straight, I had a little break week 3 to 4 and at 28 days after delivery, my period started and now I’m on my second week of bleeding still.  Hopefully week 6 is it! 

 I am ready to get my groove back.

From 2/08 until 10/08, I attended Empty Cradle support group meetings. I received a pamphlet from a social worker at the hospital. Once a month we would gather and express our feelings, telling the stories of our losses. Boxes of tissue were in never-ending supply. Several of our group had second trimester losses either due to IC or preterm labor. Someone’s story was always a little worse than mine, but sharing helped to ease the sadness. Those lovely ladies were soo supportive. My family couldn’t relate to my pain and would tell me to keep moving on.

I stopped going because of work conflicts (night meetings on work nights) and out of fear. I was a little superastitious about going while pregnant. I wanted good vibes from beginning to end. I still mourn and remember my boys in my own way.

At the beginning of this month, I received an email reminder of this month’s meeting being a special service to remember all the angels. I cried when I read it. I didn’t go. I stayed home, caring for my little miracle and prayed. A part of me wishes I went. My boys know I love them dearly.

One of my favorite songs “until the end of time” by. Justin Timber.lake still brings me to tears when I hear it. We played that song when I delivered Angelus and Augustin. But the lyrics are so wonderful, I find myself singing it to Amethyst.

“if your love was all I had, in this life, that would be enough until the end, rest your weary heart and relax your mind, ’cause I’m gonna love you girl, until the end of time”

And my favorite line that I dedicate to Amethyst…
“baby girl there ain’t no question, just to be around you is a blessing!”

O

We had a wonderful ceremony in Las Vegas (no Elvis impersonators) at Mandalay Bay where 60 close friends and family joined us for a fun weekend.  I remember we planned it around Columbus Day, assuming some people would be off work.  It worked out and everyone who came had a blast gambling and checking out the sights.

 It was a whirlwind day, cloudy and rainy in the morning and by the time of the ceremony, the sun came out and it was beautiful. 

Reminds of me of the last 4 years dealing with my difficulties in getting and staying pregnant, the loss of our twin boys, the stress from dealing with Dom’s mom’s crap, and in the end, our ultimate blessing of sunshine…Amethyst.

Extreme close up!

Thanks for sticking through all of it. It was not easy, we’ve fought countless times and have made up just as many.  When the social workers told us the sadness of our loss could break us apart, we stuck together.  And this last pregnancy was not easy at all, but he held my hand through every appointment.  And when I was hospitalized with pulmonary edema/toxemia, he spent the night with me playing dominoes and offering moral support,worried about living without me.  I couldn’t live without him either. 

Now every year we do something big and bold, but this year, with MeMe still too little to be dragged out in the in night and mom too sick with a cold to watch the baby, we stayed home eating a 3 course meal as take out from Applebee’s.  Yummy and just as awesome. 

Next year he promises a cruise.  We definitely deserve one!

Cutie @ 10 days old!

Overall feeling fine. Still kinda sore all over like I got beat up, but am able to walk up and down the stairs with no problem. I really hate the question “how are you doing” even more than I did when I was pregnant.  If I was having a problem, I would say so.  My husb is obsessed with my blood pressures and asks daily what it is.  It’s been in the 130′s/70-80′s so it’s okay.  Better than what it was.  My feet are still a little puffy.  Everyday is less and less.  The scale shows I’ve lost 8 lbs over the course of 5 days.  Sweet!

My ob-gyn visit was fine, but since my mom was working that night, we had to take MeMe with us.  Of course we had to wait awhile so I made sure to pack lots of stuff and two bottles of formula/boob juice to keep her tummy full.  I saw Dr G who is still baffled by my severe preeclampsia/toxemia.  Nothing about my case was textbook and it came on all of a sudden.  Nothing in my prenatal visits showed that it was gonna get THAT bad.  Too much fluid + high bp + low heart rate+ 1 glass of wine = trip to the hospital.  Go figure. And as quick as it came, it resolved quickly.  I am to see my primary doc in a month, but any problems go through the ob-gyns for right now.

So after the visit, we took MeMe to Babies-r-us, courtesy of my play-auntie who is awesome.  She is the mom of my closest friend who came to visit me while pregnant a couple of times.  Her husband died last November and her eldest son took me to Prom.  She was one of the many visitors that dropped by that first week home.  She and my friend wanted to throw me a baby shower, but I said no thanks.  So instead, she bought MeMe some cute little outfits and a gift card worth $500.  Yay! My mom’s sister really hooked us up with a check for $200, a digital picture frame that plays music, an electric breast pump, extra car-seat base, and another playard (we returned it because she didn’t know we already had it). Thanks auntie! We’ve received cards and well wishes and some more clothes/toys from some of my coworkers.  The only thing that is kinda bothering me is that my in-laws haven’t sent anything! No card, no nothing!  They call and say congrats, but a card is always cool too. The always send stuff for Dom, so I thought it was kinda weird that it’s been 2 weeks now.  Even my brother in Atlanta sent a card and he’s further away!

When we first came home from the hospital, there were a few things we needed to buy right away because we hadn’t thought of it before: a drying rack for the bottles, b0ppy pillow for my comfort, room monitor, and an ottoman to put my feet on when feeding. It would’ve been great to use the gift card!

So we went on a super shopping spree at Babies-r-us and it was wonderful!  Almost used the whole card because husb kept throwing things into the cart. I learned now being a mom that you can’t always be cheap about stuff you need.  I’ll admit, I penny pinch pretty badly, to the point that it pisses husb off sometimes.  But it’s enabled us to save $.  Now with MeMe, I buy whatever I think she/I/we need, I just read the box more carefully to make sure it’s a good buy.

The things I thought I didn’t need, but absolutely love!

• Electric bottle warmer
• B0ppy pillow – regular pillows warp to easily
• Electric breast pump early on – baby gets too fussy at the breast & won’t latch most of the time(lactation folks tried to help with a nipple shield) and the pump allows me a little more freedom with feeding times. 
• More cans of ready-made formula

Modern Convenience! I’m sure there is more, but I can’t think of it right now.

We finally ordered some baby announcements from Shutterfly dot com and they should arrive sometime this up coming week.  They are soooo cute, can’t wait to mail them out!

Overall, this last week was a good one.