Welcome and hugs! Just wanted to show some love to everyone dealing with the common thread of infertility, pregnancy loss, and high-risk pregnancies; I feel you on many levels. My husb and I have been trying to have a child together for 3.5 years. I have PCOS and a sluggish thyroid gland. Luckily, my husb can make babies. We used injectables and IUI in 2007 and was pregnant with twin boys, but lost them due to an incompetent cervix that caused my water to break at only 16 weeks (1/08). Devastated at our loss, we stuck together and ended up with a natural BFP, but had an early miscarriage in 6/08. 2008 was just a horrible year for our family. We decided to do the injectables and IUI in Jan of 09 and are now pregnant with a singleton. I have to deal with another high-risk pregnancy because my cervix started shortening and thinning at 16 weeks AGAIN! I now have a double cerclage in place and am blogging my days away until baby is born.
Welcome ICLW
7 weeks of growing!
So my appointment on Tuesday showed a single viable 9mm intrauterine pregnancy with a rapid heartbeat measuring 6w5d when I was 6w6d according to when I had my IUI. Unfortunately I don’t know the exact rate, but it was at least 2 beats per second so about 120+. Me and my mother went to this appointment and we were both too happy to actually count! My lil’ bit is growing on schedule and my official due date (even though I already knew) is Oct. 14. That is 6 days after our 4 year wedding anniversary. So so so so thankful and happy to see this miracle, especially since the last ultrasounds showed an empty womb. Now it’s full of life and hope with God’s blessings. I am praying to continue forward. I try to remind myself that my best egg and my husb. best swimmers made this baby so quit doubting! Husb. was sad he missed this appt. due to a scheduling conflict, but he’s all about the next few with Dr. M.
Symptoms:
Indigestion, heartburn, burps, constipation, and nausea kicked in full force the day before the U/S so my old sleeping habits are now done. Gone are the days of being lazy on my days off and just sleeping for hours straight (change had to come!). Gotta wake up every 2-3 hours because of the heartburn/nausea. Eating can be a chore and not eating is a nightmare. Haven’t thrown up yet but sooner or later, it’s coming. My mom said she really couldn’t eat much during either of her pregnancies. She was hyperemetic for 9 months. Great to hear. My GI symptoms are the most pronounced, but nothing ginger ale or sprite can’t help.
Boobs, boobs and more boobs! With super sore nips. I was already DD, but damn this is getting out of control. Even Dr. M. was like “you’re gonna need to get measured.” So today I’ll go shopping and buy an new game for my DS and a some kind of super bra. Husb. loves the boobs but commented that they were much much bigger. The tenderness is a turn off for me so of course the sex drive is down.
Brown spotting stopped 2/12, the day of my appt. with Dr. M. I came home expecting gunk after my PAP and found nothing. So I was oozing for like 10 days. I stopped using the applicator (pusher-man) for the suppository and just used my hand and placed it about 2 inches in. No matter what, it will melt and get absorbed, so why scratch up my poor cervix in the process.
Stretching uterus, lil’ bit’s reminders that he/she needs more room. I feel ya.
Looking ahead:
I officially graduated from the fertility center, gave the NP and MA hugs and walked away with baby’s first picture in hand. I plan on telling folks at work like at 11 weeks or so. Keeping this secret is hard….I was at work after the U/S happy as can be and couldn’t share my joy. I just feel more comfortable not telling them.
Whenever someone is preg. all people talk about are babies and what their pregnancies were like. Ever since the twins, I don’t engage in those conversations unless it’s super obvious that they’re pregnant and they are waddling around the unit trying to do patient care. Then it’s like “why the hell are you still working?’ I realized that once that cerclage is placed and the baby is on lock down, I really don’t want to work. I’m entitled to 4 months of pregnancy disability leave and 3 months of FMLA, but I think management cuts baby bonding to 6 weeks or something if you want to keep your benefits or to get paid. They can kiss my ass on that one. I’m gonna bond with my baby as long as I want and cut my hours at work. After 4 months of PDL starting at like 13/14 weeks, I would be like 29 weeks when that ends. Then that still leaves 11 weeks until my due date. High risk is high risk damn it! My job is not worth losing the baby or going into preterm labor. I worked the night before my water broke last time when I wasn’t feeling that good to go to work. I wanted to call in sick, but I didn’t. I regret that. My husb. doesn’t want me working either. But I just realized a coworker had breast cancer and left work in May ‘08, she didn’t come back until Jan and still kept her position. She beat it with surgery, chemo and radiation and she looks great! So I don’t see it being a problem. I’ll lose my benefits, but I’m covered under my husb.
Anyway, I’ve been researching and looking into how the cerclage is placed and what to expect. I’m nervous and will be the closer we get to it. But once we see the Peri and get an NT scan, then the next step will be the surgery. So one worry at a time. But I’m really glad my risk is lower with a singleton.
It’s all good…
On 2/10/09, Beta # 3 = 1138. Doubling time 1.4 days (34 hours). AWESOME kiddo!
Finally met Dr. M today and she is super cool. We had a nice long discussion about my obstetrical history and that I want this pregnancy to have a successful outcome. She took her time which is great, plus my mom works with her @ our hospital in postpartum.
So what’s the game plan?!
-keep the meds going (metformin and levoxyl) + suppositories (yuck)
-referral to an Endocrinologist to watch tsh/t4 levels during pregnancy (checked every trimester)
-referral to Perinatologist for the CERCLAGE, yay! She said they would place it at like 14 weeks, hopefully sooner than that.
-she’ll monitor me closely after cerclage placement and she’ll take it out at 36 weeks.
Sounds good!
She could see the brown discharge today, but she said my cervix is closed and the irritation is consistent with suppository usage so I feel better about that. The spotting has gotten less in the last 24 hours, but we’ll see how that goes. I go back on 3/9/09 for my official OB visit.
2/24/09 is ultrasound day at the fertility center. Ha ha…another two week wait.
Check this out
hcg# 1 = 62, progesterone = 20
Fertility clinic just called and said the numbers are good for an IUI patient. If I had IVF, they want the hcg >100. Last time I with the twins my 1st beta was like 187.
Some brown spotting on and off, worse after suppository placement since late 12dpiui. No clots though. I thought it would get worse after walking around at work last night (us nurses walk like 3+ miles a shift, ha ha) but it didn’t so I’m all confused. I cried this morning on the way home from the blood test because I was doubtful, worried, scared, nervous and feeling low. I talked to my mom and peed on the digital stick and low and behold, the miracle of life happened. She had me feeling better about the spotting/sputtering junk and told me about a lady she knew that spotted for like 3 months and still had a baby. My mom was super positive this morning and told me to take it easy, don’t get too emotional, and pray. The NP said that the progesterone suppositories are irritating the hell out of my cervix and this does happen at times. So I asked, even after taking it for like 2 weeks, she replied “especially since it’s been that long.” Learned something new today! So I continue to pray and thank God for this blessing.
I sent my husb. a pic of the actual pregnancy test and he was tentatively happy. Because of the brown discharge he didn’t want to get all excited only to end up with a miscarriage like last June. The difference is my first beta was 37 and I was not medicated at all (no progesterone support), I spotted pink, then started bleeding like a period, then saw some clots within 24 hours and when I went to urgent care, my hcg was < 2. He’ll wait for beta #2 to really get happy.
I was talking to a good friend at work and realized that in Sept/Oct, it will be 4 years since we started really TTC. Pretty damn depressing. Some asshole at work asked why I wasn’t “in the family way” like everyone else since all the young chicks are getting pregnant or have had a baby in the last 3 years. Thanks for the reminder, you ass!
Well, back to sleep I go, gotta work tonight.
12dpiui and I can’t stand it!
First of all: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!
So I’ve made it this far through the two week wait and I’m losing my mind. I want to test soooo badly but I’m terrified of the answer being no. My husb has a theory (since he’s my bodycologist) which is why he keeps asking me to take the test. Today is his birthday so I also think he wants some good birthday news! I’ve been praying and praying and God has granted me patience. I’ve looked at hpt’s, almost ripped open the package, but I haven’t peed on one yet. Now that it is day #12 of 14, I’m starting think by now should be pretty accurate and if it’s a BFN, then I’ll just wait for the blood test. If it’s a no, I think we’ll do it again. We’ve realized that IUI is our best option to have a bio child together because of all our issues and maybe in a few years, we can do adopt or do IVF, but we need to buy our dream home first.
I feel a little differently from last time. My boobs are bigger and a little sore when pressed, super sleepy, super hungry at first but now my appetite is a little less, gassy (husb. gets a kick out of that, ha ha), little pelvic cramps/heaviness now and then, frequent urination, lower backaches, lightheadedness, vivid dreams and one night I had sciatic nerve pain which only happened when I was pregnant with the twins. Some of my symptoms were the same as last time, but I remember having bad indigestion and super sore boobs more so last time. So I’m not sure if the meds are messing with me or that each time is different. This time I’m taking thyroid hormones as well so it is helping my metabolism and altering the way my body normally deals with all the other hormones in the endocrine system since mine is out of whack without meds. It’s also supposed to lower my chances of having another miscarriage. All these pills better be doing something right! I’m trying to stay positive, maybe this time there is only one baby and it’s not pumping out tons of hcg yet. Or maybe there is no baby. Too early to really know, only God does.
I couldn’t help it and told my closest friend that we did the treatment this month and that Wednesday is when we find out. I thought I could totally keep my mouth shut, but I felt like I needed that support and prayers and positive vibes. My folks, due to culture, believe you’re not supposed to say anything until you start showing. To me, it almost feels like negative thinking because it’s like “something could happen before then.” Now of course we are all aware of the dreaded “m word” and in my case the dreaded incompetent cervix/premature rupture of membranes (IC/PROM). But having joy and hope is crucial and I can’t stand the negative vibes. Show a girl some hope/faith! Yeah it sucked that we told everyone about the twins only to lose them, but I was excited everyday I was pregnant with them partly because of all the hype I got from people around me.
So all this time I haven’t mentioned my other friend who got knocked up and is now 25 weeks pregn. She’s reached viability with no problem. I knew she would, never fails! Those that try, want it badly, and are married with stable careers seem to suffer from Infertility. She’s not married, cheated on her man (how she got pregn.) and she’s barely employed. She loved partying all the time and never really had any responsibilities. Now she has to grow up. She told me when she first found out she was pregn. and was considering her options. She opted to keep the child and deal with the whole “who’s the daddy” business later. I talk to her maybe once a month ever since those first 8 weeks. It’s too painful to hear her nonsense sometimes, especially dealing with her BF and baby-daddy. My husb doesn’t really want me hanging out with her. We live down the street from each other and the last time I saw her in person was in Nov. I took her out to breakfast for her birthday and it was super AWKWARD. She says things like “at least I’ll have my baby” and I just want to SCREAM!
I just think to myself, people that don’t try get pregnant all around me. That’s just NOT COOL. My cousin did 2 years ago (only dated her husb. for 3/4 mo), a family friend did 1 year ago (only dated her bf for 3 mo), coworker 1 year ago (dated her fiance for less than a year) and now this chick (messed around for 1 mo). What the hell is that all about. I don’t socialize with them at all and only went to my cousin’s baby shower. And then hearing about the chick with the octuplets and 6 other kids, that made me want to vomit. There are so many of us that would love to have 1 child and here she is with 14 under the age of 7 and guess what, she’s single living with her folks. Never fails!
IUI#2…complete
Well it took forever to get to this point but finally the deed is done. On cd 17 and cd 18, we did back to back IUIs.
On 1/19 (cd 16) our ultrasound showed a 21 mm follicle and 27 mm cyst/follicle (still weren’t sure) on the right ovary with 11.5 mm uterine lining. Hormones looked good, so I did a ovidrel trigger that night. I had my mom give me that shot, last time I did it and it hurt like hell. This time was no problem.
1/20 (most historic day ever!) we dropped off the goodies and did the IUI 3 hours later. I had some spotting and light cramps afterwards, but it was tolerable.
1/21 – another ultrasound showed 2 follicles collapsed, so there is a slight chance of twins again. Uterine lining had ovulatory changes and free fluid was in my abdomen so more evidence of ovulation occuring. Some pelvic soreness early in the morning and in my right lower quadrant, but not as bad as last time = It felt like someone kicked on my left side. So dropped off the goodies again and did the IUI 3.5 hours later.
I took 3 Doxycycline pills to keep from getting an infection and this morning I start with the progesterone suppositories. I really look forward to the gooey pasty stuff in my panties.
We spent also two nights in a hotel to be closer to the clinic since it is normally about 26 miles away from our house. Kinda like taking a mini vacation 
But gotta go back to work tonight. I’m not saying a word to the folks @ work. People at work got too involved in what was going on in my uterus, especially after my husband accidently announced that we were having twins!
I did a lot of resting and kicking back these last two days so now is the two-week-wait. We can test on 2/4/08, two days after husband’s birthday. If God grants us this miracle, we’ll have a baby due around the time of our wedding anniversary in October. We are praying long and hard for that blessing. Waiting is tough, but patience is key. I’ll just keep playing my Nintendo DS until testing day.
Our NP was super nice, supportive, and explained things very well during the IUIs and the whole monitoring process. The one thing that keeps ringing in my ears that she said was “swim boys and girls, swim!”
Still cycling – IUI cd11
Well here were are on day cd11 and meds are not quite right yet. It seems like this cycle may be as long as the last time. Last IUI in 2007 (gave me a BFP) we didn’t do the IUIs until cd17 and cd18.
So far… 1/6 cd 3 looked good – old cyst from when I last ovulated on right ovary, good antral count
cd3 to cd10 = Follistim 75iu SC
us on 1/12 cd 9 = showed 11mm and 12mm follie on right and lots of 7mm on left. 7 mm uterine lines
1/14 cd 11 = 17mm follie on right <could be combo of last two follies> with few 7 mm (7 total), and lots of 7 mm on left (7 total), but E2 was not good enough so upped dose to 100iu of follistim SC. 8 mm uterine lines. I’m thinking they want more mature follies since I’m barely stimming.
Last time only needed 50 for over a week then 75 for few days and got my twins! This time, my ovaries are a little more stubborn, but I wonder if the thyroid stuff has anything to do with it? I know they know what they’re doing and they are taking it slowly so we’re being as patient as we can. We were hoping that the IUI would be this weekend, but it seems more like next Monday. Which means our tww would end right on or after my husb.’s birthday.
We’ll see. I’ve been trying to predict this cycle and pray that I don’t have OHSS, but now I’m praying they don’t cancel the cycle.
New Year, New Day, New Cycle
Let’s make this year a good one!
Happy Angel Day Angeline and Augustin!
It has been exactly one year since we lost the the twins. They were sadly born and died 1/9/08. I can’t believe time has gone so quickly, I still get flashbacks every now and then of events leading to their demise. I wanted to commemorate each day of events leading to today by inflating a white balloon with scripture on each. I opted to put scripture on one, but still inflate the balloons so that today we can let them go. Symbolic…from 1/4 to 1/9 of fear, disbelief, decision, despair, anguish, and sadness. And that today I would somehow let some of that go by letting go of the balloons in their honor. Plus the balloons are flying up to heaven with them. We’ll lay low tonight and light candles in their honor.
My husband and I decided to start a new IUI cycle this month after getting the green light from my recent labwork. TSH = 1.5, great for conception! We patiently waited for my period to start and low and behold, it started on 1/4/09 (a year ago that date my water broke @ almost 16 weeks). We went for our baseline ultrasound on day 3 which was 1/6 and uterus/ovaries/labs looked good so the NP said it was okay to start taking my follistim 75 iu. Last time we started @ 50 iu, but she said that I responded slowly, so they upped the dose. I just pray that my ovaries don’t respond too much. One embryo is fantastic, twins are nice, but triplets are super high risk with my weak cervix.
I got great news regarding the meds. My husband’s insurance is so freaking wonderful that $700 worth of injectibles was only $15. How awesome is that! So I’m excited and nervous at the same time. But my resolution was to be more positive and I am thinking very positively. Plus we’ll do it again. We are so eager to have a child together, we keep playing the name game. I think we’ll have a boy (chinese gender chart), but if we have a boy and girl or boy/boy we have names. He wants a girl, if we have two girls we have names too. “But what about…” My husband likes finding names.
I’ m trying not to have too much pride that I will get my BFP because I don’t want to jinx it. We know I can get pregnant, my body needs help with hormones. We also know I can carry two babies for up to 4 months with no help, so this time we are getting help with a cerclage. I have a new OB-Gyn (Dr. M) on board who will refer me to the same Perinatologist (Dr. D) that I saw in the hospital (we trust him). Knowledge is power and sometimes ingnorance is bliss. But this time I love the knowledge.
I have an appointment with RE on 1/12 and 1/14 and that will determine when the IUI will be. Hopefully next weekend so that the tww will be done by my husband’s birthday. What a great present that would be! God willing…
