October 15 is Pregnancy & infant loss remembrance day. I wanted to take a moment to honor all the lost angels and mommies to angels. The pain of grieving never leaves, only stings less with time. I would not have my daughter now if we hadn’t lost our twin boys and learned from the experience.
From 2/08 until 10/08, I attended Empty Cradle support group meetings. I received a pamphlet from a social worker at the hospital. Once a month we would gather and express our feelings, telling the stories of our losses. Boxes of tissue were in never-ending supply. Several of our group had second trimester losses either due to IC or preterm labor. Someone’s story was always a little worse than mine, but sharing helped to ease the sadness. Those lovely ladies were soo supportive. My family couldn’t relate to my pain and would tell me to keep moving on.
I stopped going because of work conflicts (night meetings on work nights) and out of fear. I was a little superastitious about going while pregnant. I wanted good vibes from beginning to end. I still mourn and remember my boys in my own way.
At the beginning of this month, I received an email reminder of this month’s meeting being a special service to remember all the angels. I cried when I read it. I didn’t go. I stayed home, caring for my little miracle and prayed. A part of me wishes I went. My boys know I love them dearly.
One of my favorite songs “until the end of time” by. Justin Timber.lake still brings me to tears when I hear it. We played that song when I delivered Angelus and Augustin. But the lyrics are so wonderful, I find myself singing it to Amethyst.
“if your love was all I had, in this life, that would be enough until the end, rest your weary heart and relax your mind, ’cause I’m gonna love you girl, until the end of time”
And my favorite line that I dedicate to Amethyst…
“baby girl there ain’t no question, just to be around you is a blessing!”
O
