I’m pissed at my husb. He’s pissed at me. It’s the story of our lives right now. We had a fight last night, for like 4 hours of him bitching about how I’m an Ice Queen.
I don’t show him any “love” and don’t even want to try. He claims that we love spending time together and have no problem there but it’s the bedroom that is lacking. In order to feel love and appreciated, he needs that. The doctors said no sex since I was 9 weeks due to bleeding. He hit my cervix and it bled. Then I had the surgery to stitch my cervix closed since I almost lost the baby so no more sex. The appt with Dr S when I was 21 weeks, husb asked if we could do it now, doc said ”there is a risk for infection and the stitches are sharp, you might get hurt.” Husb still wanted to try. You dumb ass, I’m not risking this baby for your man-needs! So he backed off. He still wanted “kisses” without giving me my back rub and I refused, trying to show him that if I’m not gonna get some love too, then forget it. Why does it have to be about what he wants.
He says to compromise. I’m not compromising the health of my baby. I’m don’t want to risk getting an infection, going into preterm labor, and being forced to deliver this baby now. She’ll be on a ventilator with IV lines and feeding tubes. He says she’s viable, things will work out. What the hell?! I sometimes wonder if he even cares whether or not we have a child together. He says “if it wasn’t meant to be, then it wasn’t meant to be.” That kind of attitude, get’s NO LOVE.
He says he’s been with me through all my depression caused by infertility and the miscarriages. That he’s been supportive, more like telling me I need to chill out and that I’m crazy. He’s been patient with this process and feels like he’s not getting any of the love back. Excuse me, who was there through all the crap with Dom and his bio-mom, who was there to help him with a lot of other shit that he was stressing out about. He got what he wanted, his son. Now I want my daughter. I have been stressing out about this pregnancy from the beginning and he thinks an orgasm is what I need to feel better. WHAT I NEED is my daughter to be born healthy and alive. WHAT I NEED is a husb that understands that if I say I want a massage to make me feel better, then that’s what I should get instead of having to fight over the fact that I’m limiting myself since the doc never said I couldn’t get some “kisses” of my own. I don’t want “kisses” because I don’t want contractions! He thinks that’s why the shots are done to keep away the contractions. But orgasmic contractions can’t be stopped!
He keeps making it about what he thinks is best. I should just listen to him. He won’t steer me wrong. Yeah, right. If I end up in the hospital and they ask what happened, like a dumb ass, I’ll have to say we did x-y-z which was against doctor’s orders. No way. I’ll listen and make my own conclusion. I’m not gonna follow someone that doesn’t really know about how the body works. He’s so willing to take chances it’s scary. Too scary.
I have no desire to do anything sexual, but he keeps insisting I do it for him. What he’s suggesting, I won’t mention, but I am so against and completely repulsed by the thought. But if I do it for him then at least he’ll be happy. NO. I may be a bad wife for not compromising, but I’ll be damned if I do something that I really don’t want to do to. It’s like him saying it would really make him happy if I jumped off a bridge and I don’t mean bungee style. Should I do it because he’ll be happy? We all do things we don’t want to do to please our mates, but come on! There has to be a limit. I have done enough compromising during this fertility process. I’ve compromised my feeling of womanhood my pride, and my sense of normalcy! I have to deal with watching his child grow up and wondering if I’ll ever have my own.
We’re so close to having this baby, I’m 26w3d along. Why change something if it’s working. The regimen that I’m on now is working fine, why introduce new and possibly problematic things?!
He’s leaving tomorrow for his 10 day trip. Counseling would be good when he comes back.
I hate HATE to say what I’m about to say.
Men are different. Sex=love to most. That’s just the way their minds are wired. And men will say and rationalize ANYTHING when they are horny.
In the meantime, question:
Did you doctor put you on strict pelvic rest?
If so, then it’s a wrap, nothing you can do. Even though there are other ways to go about sex that don’t involve the pelvis…….and they don’t all include what you alluded to in your post. But if the doctor said that you could have sex if your husband was willing to brave feeling those stiches……
I KNOW it’s hard, I struggle with giving it up, and I don’t have half the problems you do. But “compromise” is a good thing in marriage, it’s what makes marriage work.
Some men will bow out in this kind of situation, but MOST won’t.
I know it’s hard, but you both need to understand where the other is coming from. Try to see each other’s point of view. Because both of your points are valid.
Remember,
COMPROMISE! Find a way to make it work.
Oh, and as a nurse who works in Labor and Delivery and at a RE’s office, i can tell you that sex does NOT cause preterm labor. Semen has prostaglandins in it that can soften your cervix, but NOT cause contractions.
Just a thought.
Sorry if got on your nerves with this post. But I had to say something.