Moving on…

So much to update! It seems like everytime I have any down time, I always have something to do!

First, we got the keys to our house the day before Thanksgiving.  We survived escrow!  The money we paid for the down payment and closing costs was enough for 2 rounds of IVF at my favorite fertility center.  I am so glad I insisted we have MeMe first.  Thank God for IUI and our IUI baby!   

We enjoyed our Thanksgiving. Husb and I made love that night for the first time since March 12th.  Amazing.  No really, aaaammmmaaaaazzzzzing!

 We started getting the house ready to move in on that Friday.  We hired a cleaning company to do some hardcore cleaning that I would never have been able to do with MeMe in tow.  The previous owners did a fabulous job cleaning, but it’s always good to really get into the nooks and crannies.   Our POD (portable on demand storage container) was delivered and we officially started moving in.  We are now about 80% moved in.  All of our stuff is out of the POD, it’s been in there for 2 years 9 months!  We still have some stuff at my parent’s house, such as some of MeMe’s things, my work uniforms and beauty products, because I wanted to stay there while getting adjusted to working again.  I think maybe next week, I’ll spend more time at our house going through and putting things away.  We should be ready for MeMe’s outdooring on Feb 13.  She’ll be 4.5 months old.

Back at work:  Hmmm, weird feeling at first.  I felt like a new grad trying to get acquainted with all the new technology and charting and getting myself in “Nurse Mode” organization.  A little tricky my first night shift.  The first day back, I was orienting with the clinical educator for 12 hours on a day shift.  That shift I work had everyone thinking I was moving to Day Shift.  HEEELLLLL NOOOOO!  Day shift is chaos on my floor.  I like the calm mellowness of nights even though we do primary care with minimal CNA support.  I have worked 5 shifts as a nurse on the floor and starting to get my groove back.   Lots of good and bad changes.  I’m getting used to it. Good to see old faces.  A lady who was a new grad with me and still works with me took me to breakfast the other morning after a rough night.

 One of my homegirls at work decided to throw me a little baby shower in the break room. Sooo cute.  She went all out with the decorating in purple, yellow, and green.  She made pacifiers out of lifesavers, a huge diaper cake with birds made out of washcloths and flowers out of socks, a onesie bouquet, baby booties made out of medicine cups, and little shirts made out napkins.  She went all out.  I could only take pics with a cell phone camera and I’m still trying to figure out how to get them off.  We got lots of gifts and people awwwed at MeMe’s photo album.  I made sure to hug and thank everyone that gave and came.

With all the decorative stuff I got from the shower and Disney’s new black princess, I know just how I’m gonna do MeMe’s new room.  Soooo excited.  I bought some Princess Ti.ana stickers for myself!

Well MeMe is now 12 weeks old and almost 12 lbs.  Still around the 50th percentile.  We had to switch formulas again because she was throwing everything up.  The docs said spitting up is normal and suggested this special hypoallergenic formula as a last resort if it seems problematic.  Well we are trying it and she is spitting up less, pooping better, and less gassy.  And sleeping longer.  MeMe has champagne taste!  This new formula ain’t cheap at all!  Here is her smiling away.

With so much work to do and only so many hours in a day, I’ll probably read more posts than I’ll write.  Mommyhood has been such a blessing.  Having MeMe is the best Christmas and Birthday present ever! My birthday is on the 16th.  This year, I finally feel like a grown up.  I have a beautiful daughter and a beautiful home. God is good.

Postpartumness pt. 3

Growing cutie!

Just had my 6 week check up with the OBGYN and saw my primary doc 2 weeks ago.  The fun never ends when it comes to my health issues.

Primary doc was sooo happy that I finally had a baby! I’ve seen him since I was 12.  He knows my parents very well.  When I first starting having fertility problems, he was there ordering labs and tests and helping to get to the bottom of it. When I suffered from postpartum depression after the loss of my twins, he ordered the “get happy pills.”  When my RE said I had a thyroid issue and wouldn’t do the IUI until it was fixed, this doc gave me my prescription to fix it.  I gave him a birth announcement and a hug for being so helpful. Turns out he has a new grandson as well! I told him about my postpartum preeclampsia/pulmonary edema episode and he ordered follow up labs as well as keeping me on my meds to stay normal.  Labs came back fine, except for maybe a UTI, culture pending.

My GYN appointment was with Dr. P, who delivered MeMe.  My new problem of the month: Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding.  I have had my period for over 2 weeks and it’s not stopping.  The lochia stuff stopped after 3 weeks and then my period started at 4 weeks after delivery.  Here I am at almost 7 weeks and I’m just continuously bleeding and bleeding and bleeding.  IT REALLY SUCKS!  Apparently, the mini pill that I’m taking for contraception is doing it’s job too well.  It’s made my uterine lining too unstable, but not only that, I can’t really get my groove on with all this bleeding going on so there is a 100% chance of not getting pregnant, any time soon ha ha. I have some options and I was just soo pissed that I always seem to have some kind of problem or end up in that small percentage of people that gets screwed. I have some options:

• Stop the mini pill, get an IUD
• Stop the mini pill, use condoms
• Stop the mini pill and switch to the combination pills, but no more breastfeeding
• Or maybe the bleeding will stop on its own and I can stay on the mini pill

Crap!  I loved pumping and giving MeMe the boob juice because I know it’s best for her.    I hate to have to give that up now. I just feel so guilty to stop the boob juice.  But the main thing is that she is here and is healthy.  She’ll be fine on formula alone.  What I don’t want is to become anemic from all this damn bleeding or have a uterus too jacked up to have any more babies. I’ve given myself until Monday to see if the bleeding stops. Then switch to the combo pill.   

Another thing, boy did my vagina muscles contract back up.  Doesn’t even seem like I popped out a baby a few weeks ago.  The speculum was awful!  She had to use the little one to do my pelvic exam.   I’m a born-again virgin.  Eek! I didn’t like being one the first time around.

Just started getting on the treadmill.  These pounds need to come off.

Other things on my mind other than my uterus and cooch is going back to work.  I have this packet of skills to review. I also realized how cool it would be to review cardiac rhythm strips so I found an awesome website that runs a strip and explains what it is or you can quiz yourself.  Just needed to refresh my memory.  I haven’t had to do that since April. I really need to get back to work, staying around the house all the time has lost its coolness.  I need to use my brain like it’s been trained to do.  I need to have random conversations with coworkers and laugh and bitch about our husbands.  I need to show off pictures of MeMe and talk about babies growing up fast. 

I will miss being with MeMe, but mom and I have currently been sharing baby care duties.    Mom will watch for a few hours and then hand her back to me. So when I go to work, it won’t be like I feel like I’m leaving her for the first time.

Still waiting out our time in escrow. I really hate how all information is funnelled through my husb and then he forwards me the emails whenever he feels like it.  He swears that I stress or fixate on certain things or freak out when its not necessary, which isn’t true.  I’m a practical realist, he’s a dreamer.  He’s thinks “everything is fine”  and that stuff should happen on his terms, but when shit needs to be done and there’s no time to playing power games.  The loan officer wanted some info back on Thursday and he still hasn’t given it to her.  He’ll just wait till Monday.  Why wait, he could’ve done it on Friday at the latest.  If escrow doesn’t close on time, it’s his fault.

October’s Hunt

The last 4 weeks were crazy!  Taking care of a new baby, getting paperwork together to get a mortgage loan, and touring 4-5 houses a day for almost 2 weeks is PAINFUL!  Doing all that on very little sleep was not cool.  Husb was obsessed with getting this done, especially now with the market down and the fact we have been able to save up a good size down payment.  Living with the folks served 2 purposes:  save money to pay for Fertility treatments and save money for a house.  Now that sweetie MeMe is here, time to move on.  We also need the space badly because when Dom is here on the weekends, space is a major issue.  When he’s not here, we’re not crowding each other as much.   

We finally found a house (owners wanted to sell fast) and are now in escrow!  Husb (a newly licensed real estate agent) and his real estate broker put in the contract that we wanted a 21 day escrow to get things moving quickly, get that $8000 tax credit  and be in the house by Thanksgiving. One more thing to be thankful for.  After that, I start back full time at work on Dec 1st.  I’ve been off for far too long.

My new baby:

All the appliances are staying in the house so less stuff to have to buy!  We’re just gonna need lots of furniture.

Just waitin for the final paperwork stuff and the keys!

Moo!

Life in the ‘Hood

Life in the ‘hood is hectic!  I am on survival mode all the time!  Can’t eat or sleep unless I take care of business. I gotta sleep with one eye open and always on alert for a siren! You would think I was talking about living deep in South Central L.A. surrounded by gang violence.  Ha Ha.  I’m talking about motherhood, of course.

Here is my siren at one month:

Someone taught her how to scream when she is uncomfortable whether it’s hunger, wet diaper, poopy diaper, gassy or needing sleep.  Thank goodness for pacifiers!  Once she’s comfortable, it’s back to being a snuggly angel. Love it! She likes to fall asleep om the left side of my chest, listening to my heartbeat. 

I’ve learned lots of lessons from the Motherhood that my mom purposefully didn’t tell me:.

1. Life happens in 3 hour intervals (time between feedings) so get all the crap I need to do in that timeframe, otherwise MeMe gets needs met 1st.

2. I will become more efficient in time management than I ever have before.  Lollygagging is not permitted.

3. TIRED and SLEEP are five letter words that I am not allowed to feel or experience.  It doesn’t matter how “tired” I am or how much “sleep” I’m lacking, MeMe’s gotta eat, be changed, played with and have her bottles sterilized, breastmilk pumped, clothes/bibs/blankets washed, and dinner needs to be made, rooms cleaned and announcements sent.  And on top of that…we are house-hunting in a hurry. 

4. Even though everyone helps, 10 pm until 8:30 am, is my shift and mine alone. I have the sole responsibility of baby-care. So now MeMe wants to get up at 1a and stay up until 4a, I gotta stay up with her. Husb helps, but not as much as I had fantasized about during the pregnancy.

5.  When someone offers to watch the baby, I take full of advantage and get hours of SLEEP in a row. 

6. Having my period restart really sucks.  I was sooo happy going without for 9 months, then after birth, there is all that lochia bleeding for like 3 weeks straight, I had a little break week 3 to 4 and at 28 days after delivery, my period started and now I’m on my second week of bleeding still.  Hopefully week 6 is it! 

 I am ready to get my groove back.

 

Remembrance day

October 15 is Pregnancy & infant loss remembrance day. I wanted to take a moment to honor all the lost angels and mommies to angels. The pain of grieving never leaves, only stings less with time. I would not have my daughter now if we hadn’t lost our twin boys and learned from the experience.

From 2/08 until 10/08, I attended Empty Cradle support group meetings. I received a pamphlet from a social worker at the hospital. Once a month we would gather and express our feelings, telling the stories of our losses. Boxes of tissue were in never-ending supply. Several of our group had second trimester losses either due to IC or preterm labor. Someone’s story was always a little worse than mine, but sharing helped to ease the sadness. Those lovely ladies were soo supportive. My family couldn’t relate to my pain and would tell me to keep moving on.

I stopped going because of work conflicts (night meetings on work nights) and out of fear. I was a little superastitious about going while pregnant. I wanted good vibes from beginning to end. I still mourn and remember my boys in my own way.

At the beginning of this month, I received an email reminder of this month’s meeting being a special service to remember all the angels. I cried when I read it. I didn’t go. I stayed home, caring for my little miracle and prayed. A part of me wishes I went. My boys know I love them dearly.

One of my favorite songs “until the end of time” by. Justin Timber.lake still brings me to tears when I hear it. We played that song when I delivered Angelus and Augustin. But the lyrics are so wonderful, I find myself singing it to Amethyst.

“if your love was all I had, in this life, that would be enough until the end, rest your weary heart and relax your mind, ’cause I’m gonna love you girl, until the end of time”

And my favorite line that I dedicate to Amethyst…
“baby girl there ain’t no question, just to be around you is a blessing!”

O

Last Thursday was…

Our 4th wedding anniversary! Yay.  Husb and I have been together for a grand total of 7 years, but made it official on October 8, 2005.  I married my best friend who dances with me, watches documentaries with me over and over again, listens to throwback jams from the 80’s and 90’s, laughs at the same goofy jokes, and loves to snuggle (especially after love-making). Happy anniversary honey bun!

We had a wonderful ceremony in Las Vegas (no Elvis impersonators) at Mandalay Bay where 60 close friends and family joined us for a fun weekend.  I remember we planned it around Columbus Day, assuming some people would be off work.  It worked out and everyone who came had a blast gambling and checking out the sights.

 It was a whirlwind day, cloudy and rainy in the morning and by the time of the ceremony, the sun came out and it was beautiful. 

Reminds of me of the last 4 years dealing with my difficulties in getting and staying pregnant, the loss of our twin boys, the stress from dealing with Dom’s mom’s crap, and in the end, our ultimate blessing of sunshine…Amethyst.

Extreme close up!

 

Thanks for sticking through all of it. It was not easy, we’ve fought countless times and have made up just as many.  When the social workers told us the sadness of our loss could break us apart, we stuck together.  And this last pregnancy was not easy at all, but he held my hand through every appointment.  And when I was hospitalized with pulmonary edema/toxemia, he spent the night with me playing dominoes and offering moral support,worried about living without me.  I couldn’t live without him either. 

Now every year we do something big and bold, but this year, with MeMe still too little to be dragged out in the in night and mom too sick with a cold to watch the baby, we stayed home eating a 3 course meal as take out from Applebee’s.  Yummy and just as awesome. 

Next year he promises a cruise.  We definitely deserve one!

Postpartumness Pt. 2

MeMe is almost 2 weeks old. Amazing!  She has longer periods of wakefulness and she gets all smiley when you pick her up.  She still only cries when really hungry or uncomfortable, but once that’s solved, she’s right as rain.  She is having fun exploring her hands and can now turn herself onto her side from being on her back when awake.

Cutie @ 10 days old!

Overall feeling fine. Still kinda sore all over like I got beat up, but am able to walk up and down the stairs with no problem. I really hate the question “how are you doing” even more than I did when I was pregnant.  If I was having a problem, I would say so.  My husb is obsessed with my blood pressures and asks daily what it is.  It’s been in the 130’s/70-80’s so it’s okay.  Better than what it was.  My feet are still a little puffy.  Everyday is less and less.  The scale shows I’ve lost 8 lbs over the course of 5 days.  Sweet!

My ob-gyn visit was fine, but since my mom was working that night, we had to take MeMe with us.  Of course we had to wait awhile so I made sure to pack lots of stuff and two bottles of formula/boob juice to keep her tummy full.  I saw Dr G who is still baffled by my severe preeclampsia/toxemia.  Nothing about my case was textbook and it came on all of a sudden.  Nothing in my prenatal visits showed that it was gonna get THAT bad.  Too much fluid + high bp + low heart rate+ 1 glass of wine = trip to the hospital.  Go figure. And as quick as it came, it resolved quickly.  I am to see my primary doc in a month, but any problems go through the ob-gyns for right now.

So after the visit, we took MeMe to Babies-r-us, courtesy of my play-auntie who is awesome.  She is the mom of my closest friend who came to visit me while pregnant a couple of times.  Her husband died last November and her eldest son took me to Prom.  She was one of the many visitors that dropped by that first week home.  She and my friend wanted to throw me a baby shower, but I said no thanks.  So instead, she bought MeMe some cute little outfits and a gift card worth $500.  Yay! My mom’s sister really hooked us up with a check for $200, a digital picture frame that plays music, an electric breast pump, extra car-seat base, and another playard (we returned it because she didn’t know we already had it). Thanks auntie! We’ve received cards and well wishes and some more clothes/toys from some of my coworkers.  The only thing that is kinda bothering me is that my in-laws haven’t sent anything! No card, no nothing!  They call and say congrats, but a card is always cool too. The always send stuff for Dom, so I thought it was kinda weird that it’s been 2 weeks now.  Even my brother in Atlanta sent a card and he’s further away!

When we first came home from the hospital, there were a few things we needed to buy right away because we hadn’t thought of it before: a drying rack for the bottles, b0ppy pillow for my comfort, room monitor, and an ottoman to put my feet on when feeding. It would’ve been great to use the gift card!

So we went on a super shopping spree at Babies-r-us and it was wonderful!  Almost used the whole card because husb kept throwing things into the cart. I learned now being a mom that you can’t always be cheap about stuff you need.  I’ll admit, I penny pinch pretty badly, to the point that it pisses husb off sometimes.  But it’s enabled us to save $.  Now with MeMe, I buy whatever I think she/I/we need, I just read the box more carefully to make sure it’s a good buy.

The things I thought I didn’t need, but absolutely love!

• Electric bottle warmer
• B0ppy pillow – regular pillows warp to easily
• Electric breast pump early on – baby gets too fussy at the breast & won’t latch most of the time(lactation folks tried to help with a nipple shield) and the pump allows me a little more freedom with feeding times. 
• More cans of ready-made formula

Modern Convenience! I’m sure there is more, but I can’t think of it right now.

We finally ordered some baby announcements from Shutterfly dot com and they should arrive sometime this up coming week.  They are soooo cute, can’t wait to mail them out!

Overall, this last week was a good one. 

 

 

Reunited and it feels so good!

I was discharged early on 9/28 and couldn’t wait to run into the house and see my MeMe.  Husb was feeding her and needed to get Dom off to school in a hurry, so he handed MeMe to me and said “yay, it’s your mommy.”  Damn, that felt good. Just holding her was wonderful. 

My health problems are now under control, but I still need to be monitored.  I am now on nifedipine extended-release 30 mg daily to keep my bp from getting crazy again.  I see the Dr G again on Wednesday to check my progress.  I have no more shortness of breath, but slight swelling in my feet that Dr G said could take another week to go away.I bought a digital scale to watch my weight. And I made it a point to be active, but get some rest today.

We learned something weird about my husb’s insurance. They will pay for fertility meds, but had a problem with paying for the generic version of Procardia XL.  So husb had to make some phone calls between the doctor’s office and the insurance company to get the medication covered.  I honestly didn’t care what the cost was, I knew I needed the medicine and wasn’t gonna wait for red tape. By the time husb made his calls, it was like 4:30p so it wouldn’t have been resolved until the next day.  Screw it, just buy the medicine.  It cost $42 for a month.  If it keeps my blood vessels dilated and decreases the workload on my heart, it’s worth it.

Time to go back to being with MeMe.

Postpartumness…

MeMe is awesome! Such a joy and mellow baby unless she’s really hungry. Then she has a big mouth. Her visit with the pediatrician went well. We are all learning her cute little behaviors. Every smile, every yawn, every sneeze, every hiccup, every stinky poo, every time she sucks her hand, all too cute!

Things were good until 3 am on 9/26. That’s when the bullet I thought I dodged got me in the chest. LITERALLY! Preeclampsia with HELLP syndrome.

I couldn’t breathe. I had swelling in both legs that never got better for like 4 days. Then I went down and up my stairs and felt short of breath. Even when I sat in bed about to breastfeed, I couldn’t breathe! I developed a cough and out came pink frothy sputum. Oh SHIT, classic symptom of pulmonary edema! I could die, to the hospital now! My mom was awake and listened to my lungs with her stethoscope and heard diminished sounds. Woke up husb and told him what was the deal. He had his son this weekend so he stayed home and my dad took me to the E.R.

My blood pressure was crazy high! 198/110! SHIT!

Chest xray showed fluid in my lungs.

CT scan of chest was negative for blood clots in my lungs. Leg doppler was neg for clots.

EKG normal.

Labs horrible. My liver function tests were messed up with protein in my urine.

They put me on an IV magnesium sulfate drip, hydralazine and procardia for my bp. I got lasix to pull out all the extra fluid. I must have peed off 10 lbs.

Doc checked my heart with a echocardiogram (preliminary report says normal) and lab tests. I feel like one of the cardiac patients I take care of. Luckily they put me in antepartum unit and not Telemetry/intermediate care where I work or even worse, placed in ICU. Eeek!

I’m still hospitalized, pumping my breastmilk and sending it home with my family to give to MeMe. I hate being sick and not being able to take care of MeMe like normal.

But I thank God that I am still alive.

I am doing better. Bp is down and under control, follow up xray shows no more fluid and I can breathe easy. My liver is back to normal. Hopefully I will go home tomorrow.

The Dirty Details…my labor story

Saturday 9/19 started out normal.  Me watching t.v. and not really doing much, husb was doing the laundry.

At 2:30, I went to get some frozen yogurt at a local shop because it was so hot and quickly went back home to eat it.  After I was done, husb and I took a nap together.

At 4:20, I woke up needing to use the bathroom, but was having the worst time trying to go #2.  When I got up, I saw a gooey pink blob in the toilet.  My “bloody show.”  Hmmm, I thought, I guess my water is gonna break sometime in the next few days.  Then I started feeling lower pelvic cramps and decided to eat a chicken bake since I hadn’t eaten real food in a while.  Then I noticed the cramps didn’t feel like my normal Braxton-Hicks and that something just wasn’t right. Plus they were every 10 minutes. 

After waiting an hour, I woke up husb and told him I felt funny.  Maybe we should go to the hospital so I can get checked.  He was too concerned about his headache and thought we should wait a while.  The pains were getting more intense and insisted that we go.  He went to get my mom, who was in another room, and I told her my assessment.  She also thought I lost my mucus plug and told me to take  shower to see if the contractions stop.  After, I showered, it only got worse. Both my mom and husb finally agreed with me and both needed to get dressed to leave.  My dad was on his way to a party, so we told him to go and we’ll see what was going on with me. 

I was ready to go, but everyone else took forever!  The pains were so intense, I started feeling nauseaous. Husb was really taking too long, so mom and I went together and he came later with the luggage.

At 6:15p, I was checked into L&D triage.  I was contracting every 5 min, but only 1+cm dilated and 50% effaced.  They wanted to wait an hour to see what happens.  I threw up repeatedly! And that was a sign that baby was coming. Deep breathing helped me through the intense contractions.  There came a point where when one stopped, another one started right away.  They checked my cervix and I was 4cm already. Husb came finally.

I was then admitted to deliver and my nurse Sharon was the same nurse who took care of me after my water broke with the twins.  She was so happy to be there for the happy occasion.  My mom is friends with a lot of the L&D nurses, so the charge nurse kept asking her who she wanted to take care of me. 

At 8 something, I was checked again and now 5 cm, time for my epidural please!  After my labs and IV were done, I needed a shot of Stadol to help  take the edge off.  I couldn’t talk or sit still at this time because the pain was 10 out of 10!  With the Stadol, the pain was a little less, I was just a little “high” and able to sit still.  The anesthesiologist came in and placed my epidural with no problems. 

At 9 something, I was up to 7 cm and feeling sleepy. But mom and husb kept talking to me, so I didn’t get to sleep much.

At 10 something, I was up to 9 cm. 

At 11 something, I was fully dilated, but MeMe was floating high and they didn’t want me to have to push for hours to bring her down, so we let nature do her thing.

At 12 something am, MeMe was much lower and I was starting to feel my contractions again.  It was less painful, but the wonderful numbing powers of my epidural had diminished. MeMe was wiggling her way into my pelvis and her head was molding so they did a quick US to make sure it was her head and not her butt cheeks.

At 1:15am, it was time to start pushing.  Big breath in and out, then big breath in and PUSH! 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10.  My mom and husb were holding my legs up for me.  When MeMe was crowning, the doc came in barely had her sterile gear on.  Crowning stung and was very uncomfortable.  I can’t imagine what it feels like au naturale! 

MeMe’s head popped out and then the rest and I only had a minor 1st degree tear.  Doc put 3 stitches in to stop the bleeding.  Other than that, no crazy complications.

MeMe placed on my belly with a towel, then taken by the nursery nurse to be checked out.  When they said she was 5lbs and 15oz, I was sooo shocked. I thought she was at least 6.5lbs because of the US done at 33 weeks.  We all cried and held her.

The doc wanted her blood sugars checked because she was so small.  She had one low sugar (44) so from then on, every feeding was breast first, then top it off with some formula.  After that, her sugars were steady. We stayed in L&D until about 5 am.

My mom’s friend was my postpartum nurse so they all hooked me up with extra supplies. And made the whole experience wonderful.  Mom’s coworkers kept coming in the room so that they can see the baby! I stayed in the hospital until Monday afternoon since I have tons of help and expertise at home (thanks mom).

We gave thank you mugs to all of my nurses.

We also gave thanks and praise to God for giving us this blessing.  She is our angel on earth!